


More Than Stars

by Walkyrie



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Bottom Jim, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enterprise, Falling In Love, Hurt Jim, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Starship Enterprise (Star Trek), T'hy'la, Top Spock, True Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-05-24 23:24:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14964206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Walkyrie/pseuds/Walkyrie
Summary: Spock knew Jim was his T'hy'la since their eyes met in the Starfleet Academy.However, the Vulcan didn't know how to admit his feelings towards his Captain.See how Jim and Spock's relationship evolves through conflicts and various adventures of the starship "Enterprise".





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> Thank you for clicking on this story, it already means much to me:)  
> I really hope you will enjoy it.
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: English is not my native language. I apologize for spelling and grammar mistakes. If you see any, feel free to point them out, I will correct them. Thank you!

_Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds. To seek out new life and new civilizations. To boldly go where no man has gone before!_

* * *

  
Spock knew Jim was his _T'hy'la_ since their eyes met in the Starfleet Academy.

  
Spock had never seen such blue eyes. They were bright cerrulean and the Vulcan couldn't avert his gaze. In that exact moment something warm grew in Spock's chest and he realized - Jim is his destined one.

  
To say that Spock was shocked and terrified would be saying nothing. Indeed, the Vulcan didn't show his emotions, but just because he didn't express them didn't mean he didn't have them.

  
When the Starfleet got the distress call from Vulcan, Spock forgot about Jim completely. He was entirely focused on saving his planet.

  
However, when Jim ran on the bridge, Spock couldn't help but sigh in relief knowing that his _T'hy'la_ was here.

  
At first - being the serious officer he was - Spock wanted Jim to be gone. But every time he acted cold towards Jim, Spock hurt inside. He wanted to protect Jim, to show him how much he loved him.

  
Spock almost died inside when he threw Jim out of the ship. His logical side kept repeating that the Vulcan did the right thing. However, his heart bled.

  
Now that Nero was defeated, Spock could breathe freely. But still there was one thing that had to be done - he had to tell Jim.

* * *

  
_Geez, he's hot,_ was Jim's first thought when he saw Spock in the Academy for the first time.

  
To be honest, Jim wasn't one of those people who could find aliens hot. But this Vulcan was definitely worth drooling over.

  
Jim had heard that Spock was only half-Vulcan, he had a human mother. Some people said that his eyes were his mother's.

  
When Jim locked his gaze with Spock, he agreed on that statement. Spock's eyes were definitely human. Rich brown, almost black like a soil.

  
Jim didn't understand the unexplainable pull towards the Vulcan. It felt like he always had to be near Spock. At first Jim was confused about these feelings, but later he realized - it was an attraction.

  
Jim could look into Spock's eyes forever. He could listen to his voice until the end of time. Jim wasn't sure what exactly drew him in... Spock's soft, yet firm voice? Or his smooth pale skin? Whatever it was, it was strong.

  
Few times Jim found himself thinking, what would Spock's lips taste like? Some nights Jim couldn't sleep, because his thoughts were twirling around one person - Spock. James T. Kirk, the Captain of the starship "Enterprise", was utterly and completely in love with his First Officer - Commander Spock. But he didn't want to tell Spock. No, he _wanted to_ , but the Captain was scared of the response he might get.

  
"This is illogical, Captain," Spock would say. "I do not have feelings for you and I kindly suggest you would not have them for me too anymore."

  
Jim chuckled quietly imagining the scene. Spock was adorable no matter what he said.

For now Jim intended to keep his secret far far away from Spock, buried in the farthest corner of his soul.


	2. Dammit, Jim!

"Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a psychologist!"

  
"Please, Bones, just help me!"

  
"Fine, fine," Leonard grumbled and sat beside him on the couch.

  
Jim called Leonard saying it was an urgent matter. When the CMO got to the Captain's HQ, he was irritated to find out that Jim just needed to drone on to someone about his feelings. Don't get him wrong, Leonard liked helping people, listening them out, giving advices... But Jim just ranted on and on about someone he fell in love with and it seemed that the Captain wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

  
"Now, kid," Leonard sighed and rubbed his hands. "Start from the beginning."

  
"Okay, so I think I'm in love with this pers- "

  
"You know what- " McCoy raised his hand, " -for the real beginning tell me their gender."

  
Leonard realized it was male when Jim hesitated.

  
"It's uh- " Kirk shifted in his seat and gulped. "It's a male."

  
"See? It wasn't that hard, kid, was it?" Leonard patted Jim's shoulder, smiling at him reassuringly.

  
"You- You're okay with this?" Jim asked in astonished voice.

  
"Yea, I am," McCoy shrugged. "Now tell me more."

  
Jim exhaled and relaxed.  
"He is... He's not... human."

  
"Whoa, Jim! You fell for an alien?"

  
"It seems so."

  
"Mother of God, I haven't expected that," Leonard mumbled. "Falling for alien... Wow. Tell me more."

  
Jim grinned like an idiot and Leonard almost regretted his last words.

  
"He is awesome, Bones! He is sophisticated, intelligent and even sarcastic sometimes. He always chooses his words carefully, he thinks before he speaks and oh, Bones, he's so good-looking! He is- "

  
"Slow down your hormones, Jim," Bones chuckled. "It seems you really like him."

  
"I don't like him, Bones," the Captain shook his head. "I'm in love with him."

  
"You have to tell him, whoever he is. Sooner or later."

  
Leonard was really worried about Jim. He had known few people who never admitted their feelings towards someone. It was worse than a heartbreak, because every day one question ran through their heads - what if...? What if I told them?

  
"Is he gay? Or bi?" McCoy asked Jim who currently had fixated his gaze on the gray floor.

  
"I don't know. Actually he was in a relationship with a woman, but they broke up."

  
"Let's hope your mysterious love is bisexual then."

  
After a while Leonard added:  
"You have to tell him. Keeping your feelings behind the lock won't help the situation at all."

  
"I can't," Jim shook his head and blinked trying to prevent tears from falling. "I just can't, Bones. He'll never return my feelings."

  
"But what if, Jim?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's no action, everything is sappy, but, please, give me a chance! Just wait few more chapters, it will be worth it. Right now I just want to show how their feelings develop, how they are fighting with themselves... I think it's important.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading!:)


	3. Captain's nose

_T'hy'la_ : a friend, brother. _Lover_.

  
These words were running through Spock's head as he tried to meditate. The Vulcan wanted to clear his mind from all these thoughts that bothered him since Nero was defended.

  
The crew of the _Enterprise_ was back on the ship for their new five year mission. Everybody fell into the familiar routine, did their job, made conflicts, fell in love and broke up. They visited new planets, found new life forms and even alien cities. All in all, everything was fine. Except for one thing... Spock still had to tell Jim. A _T'hy'la_ bond wasn't something that could stay hidden for long.

  
Spock's communicator beeped and the Vulcan flinched, immediately falling out of the meditation trans.

  
"Spock, come to the bridge, now!" the Captain's voice came from the device. "We found something interesting. Kirk out."

  
Jim ran to Spock as soon as the Vulcan stepped out of the turbolift.

  
"You won't believe it, Spock," Jim's eyes literary glowed in amazement. "We approached an unknown star system and there are two stars in the centre of it. Look for yourself."

  
Jim handed Spock the padd and their hands brushed for a brief moment. Spock felt the tingles run up his fingers and he wondered if Jim felt the same thing. But nothing on the Captain's face expressed it.

  
"And that's not all," Jim continued as his First Officer examined the map and diagrams on the padd.

"Ten planets are rotating around these two stars and one planet is rotating around only one star. It is a M class planet, our scanners show that there's a life on it. Other planets are uninhabitable."

  
"Seven of them are gas planets," Spock swiped through the padd. "On one of the other three planets the acid concentration is too high for any life forms."

  
"Yup and the second one is too hot," Jim added.

  
"What about the third one?" Spock frowned. "Its temperature is decent."

  
"But there's no water. At all."

  
"Interesting... I assume you would like to inspect the M class planet closer, Captain?"

  
"Yes, but there's one little thing..."

  
"What is it, Captain?"

  
Kirk smirked. "That's the most interesting part, Mr Spock. We can't beam down."

  
"Why not, Captain?"

  
"There are frequent magnetic storms on the planet," Kirk explained. "The transportation might malfunction because of it. It's too risky to get transported."

  
"We should use space shuttles then," Spock suggested although he knew that Jim had thought of it too.

  
"Yeah, we're going to do that," Jim patted Spock on the shoulder and headed to the turbolift.

  
"You are at the conn, Spock. I want to lead the mission personally," Jim said over his shoulder and a second later the lift's doors closed.

  
Spock only nodded, his mind elsewhere. All this time the Vulcan wasn't able to avert his gaze from Jim. His blue eyes, blonde hair, lips and that cute nose. Yes, Spock found his Captain's nose cute.

  
But it wasn't the right time to tell. Nor the right place. What if Jim were disgusted by it? What if he rejected Spock? Then the rest of this five year mission would be like walking on the edge of an abyss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There! An adventure finally started:) How do you think, how will Jim's new mission go?;)
> 
> And thank you very much for reading!


	4. Narde

"Bones, you coming with me?" Jim stood in the doorway of the medbay.

  
"I can't, sorry, Jim," Leonard sighed. "Fifteen people are throwing up everywhere and spreading some virus. I can't leave now."

  
"Oh, good luck with that, man!" Jim grinned and left.

  
He gathered five people: one nurse, two science officers and two engineers. They set their phasers to stun and boarded on the shuttle.

One of the engineers - Levi - started the shuttle and soon the group left the _Enterprise_.

  
The planet was approximately 1,5 times bigger than Earth, the oxygen concentration in the atmosphere was 20%. It had 60% water and also a plantlife. No life forms were detected, but Jim was sure that something alive was on this planet.

  
"What are we gonna name the planet, Captain?" Elena, the nurse, asked.

  
Jim thought for a moment, a wide grin on his face.  
"We need to give it an original name. The name that's never been used..."

  
"How about Alpha One?" one of the engineers - Thomas - suggested.

  
"Too banal," the Captain cringed. "Maybe Narde? Or... Parlia?"

  
"Narde sounds good," Elena nodded.

  
"I'll write that down," Gyeno pulled out his padd and typed the planet's new name. Jim glanced at the science officer's padd and sighed.

  
"Narde through 'a', not 'e'."

  
"Yes, Captain! Sorry, Captain," Gyeno corrected his mistake with his face burning red.

  
"We are entering the planet's atmosphere," Levi warned and slowed down the shuttle. "Reaching the surface in twenty minutes."

  
It was quiet for a minute when the shuttle landed. Jim could see green ground and trees through the small windows.

  
The Captain was the first one to step out as soon as the doors opened.

  
Jim turned around, taking in the beautiful sight of Narde's nature. It was similar to the one on Earth, however, the trees were much longer and thinner. Kirk put his hand on one of the trees and he felt that it was soft and smooth.

  
"Levi," Jim turned towards the officer, "you stay in the shuttle, everyone else - follow me. We will return in an hour, stay in touch," Jim pointed at Levi.

  
"Yes sir," Levi nodded.

  
The Captain checked his phaser and communicator and went deeper into the woods.

  
Elena, Gyeno, Thomas and Yechiel followed Jim.

  
Gyeno and Yechiel took pictures with their padds, gathered samples of flora and even put a butterfly-like creature in a box.

  
Thomas was further than the others, he checked if the air was clear.

  
Jim found strange the fact that they didn't see any big animals. The only alive creatures were these butterflies and some insects, nothing bigger could be seen.  
Maybe they were hiding somewhere, but nothing can stay hidden forever.

  
To tell the truth Kirk felt a little bit uneasy. It was quiet. The Captain, however, couldn't decide whether it was just quiet or _too_ quiet.  
Suddenly Jim's communicator beeped, interrupting the eerie silence.

  
"Kirk," the Captain said.

  
"Captain, I see a movement nearby. It isn't a wind," Levi stated with a hint of worry in his voice.

  
"Get your phaser," Jim ordered. "We are coming."

  
"Maybe they saw us landing and hid," Elena told Jim. "Five of us left, perhaps they have decided to either attack or inspect the shuttle closer."

  
"Who are you talking about?" Jim frowned.

  
"Local creatures," Elena explained with a shrug, gripping her phaser tighter.  
_Perhaps she is right,_ Jim thought as he moved through bushes.

  
Suddenly an arrow shot out of the depths of the forest.

  
"Shit!" Jim cursed and mentally sighed in relief, seeing that the arrow was stuck in the tree.

  
"Everybody, to the shuttle!" Jim yelled and started running, trying to avoid arrows that seemed to be flying from every direction.

  
He saw a movement between the trees, just a black blur, but the Captain shot at it without a second thought. He missed.

  
"Shit, shit, shit..." Jim mumbled under his nose, running as fast as he could.

  
"Thank god," he breathed out when he saw the shuttle. Arrows stopped flying as soon as Jim ran out in the clearing.

  
"Is everyone here?" the Captain asked. Yechiel, Thomas, Gyeno... Elena and Levi were missing.

  
"Has anyone seen Levi?" Jim asked to nobody in particular.

  
"No sir," Yechiel replied. "He wasn't here when we got there."

  
Elena ran out of the forest and slowed down, catching her breath.

  
"Where's Levi?" She asked, looking around.

  
"Missing," Jim mumbled and eyed the trees suspiciously. Nothing.

  
"We are in danger," Kirk stated. "We must leave as soon as possible."

  
"Not without Levi!" Elena exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

  
"Kirk to _Enterprise_ ," Jim said in his communicator.

  
"Is there a problem, Captain?" Kirk heard Spock say.

  
"We got attacked, one of engineering officers is missin- "

  
"Shit, they've damaged the shuttle!" Thomas said as he came out of the shuttle.

  
" -and our shuttle is damaged," Jim finished. "Can you locate Levi?"

  
"Locating... The scanners are showing that you are surrounded by more than thirty creatures. I cannot tell whether Levi is nearby."

  
"Can you beam us up, Spock?" Now Kirk spoke quieter, knowing that there was a bunch of aliens everywhere.

  
"No, Captain. There is a magnetic storm nearby, the transportation might malfunction."

  
"Define malfunction," Jim looked around the forest once more.

  
"You could get transported into the ship's engine or even outside of the Enterprise. It is too dangerous to transport you, the storm is very strong."

  
"If there's an opportunity, beam us up," Jim said. "Kirk out."

  
"Thomas, fix the shuttle," Jim ordered and the engineering officer's eyes got wide.

  
"Captain, the damages are severe, we- "

  
"Fix the damn ship or we all will get killed," Jim said through gritted teeth. Thomas rushed into the shuttle.

  
"I'll help," Yechiel followed Thomas inside.

  
"Elena, go to the other side of the shuttle," Jim told her. "Set your phaser to kill and if they come out - shoot."

  
"Yes sir."

  
Now that Elena was gone, the only sound Jim could hear was wind, faint rustling in the depths of the shuttle and his own breath.

  
Waiting was horrendous. Jim knew they were here, all around them, watching them... And it pushed him to the edge, he was nervous and ready to fight.

  
One part of Kirk's mind thought that it would be better if the aliens attacked now. The sooner something starts, the sooner it ends. However, the other part was begging some unknown force to give Thomas and Yechiel more time to fix the shuttle. The Captain wanted to leave Narde with as less deaths as possible.

  
Something moved between the trees. Jim shot. He wanted to show those aliens that they were serious people. Never mess with Terrans.

  
Silence again.

  
"How are you guys doing there?" Jim yelled over his shoulder.

  
"I apologize, Captain, but very shitty. Those bastards fucked up the shuttle completely," came Yechiels faint voice. "Again, sorry for my language."

  
"Elena?" Kirk called out.

  
"I'm alive!" The nurse yelled back.

  
Jim chuckled, "Good to hear."

  
Suddenly a series of phaser shots interrupted the silence.

  
"They're attacking!" Elena shouted and in the next second a bunch of creatures in black robes jumped from the trees with bows and arrows in their hands.

  
Jim started killing them one by one, trying to avoid arrows. There were too many of them, they were coming closer, closing the circle around the shuttle.

  
"Get in the shuttle!" Jim yelled hoping that Elena heard. She did.  
They both ran into the shuttle, firing one shot after another.

  
"Can we fly?!" Kirk shouted and cursed when an arrow almost hit him.

  
"Almost!"

  
"Close the damn door!" Elena yelled and few seconds later the doors closed completely.

  
They heard the angry screams of attackers, they saw them through the windows which aliens were trying to break.

  
"They'll break in! Do you need help?" Jim approached Yechiel and Thomas. The latter was lying on the ground under the control panel and cursing non stop.

  
"Give me few minutes," Thomas groaned and cursed again.

  
The aliens were on the roof now, hitting it, screaming and trying to tear it down.

  
"If they damage the corpus, we'll die in space!" Jim rubbed his face with his palms.

  
"Kirk to _Enterprise_. Beam us up!"

  
"The storm got only stronger, we cannot," Spock replied and Jim couldn't understand whether there was a note of worry in his First Officer's usually calm and stoic voice.

  
"They are hitting the shuttle!" Jim yelled. "If they damage it, we're dead!"

  
"I'm done!" Thomas jumped on his feet and sat in the pilot's chair.

  
"Shit, Spock," Jim shut his communicator and approached Thomas.

  
"Can we fly now?"

  
"The maneuvering system is messed up, I don't know whether- "

  
"Move," Kirk pushed Thomas out of the chair and started the shuttle. It started raising above the ground.

Thomas wasn't kidding, it was hard to keep the shuttle under control.  
The shuttle flew higher and Jim had to use all skills he had to keep it away from crashing.

  
"You saved us, Captain," Thomas breathed out.

  
"Not yet. We have to get back to the _Enterprise_. Then you'll be safe."

  
"Captain?" Elena suddenly sounded scared to death.

  
"What?"

  
"Don't you smell it...? The smoke..."

  
"Shit," Kirk cursed. He smelt it too. Something was burning.

  
"Thomas, do something," Jim ordered, but it was too late.

  
A massive explosion tore the shuttle apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course the mission went wrong:)


	5. Awake and alright

"Mr Spock?" Chekov's voice was trembling.

  
"What is it?" Spock stiffened in his chair.

  
"Zey... Ze shuttle exploded."

  
A silence fell over the bridge, so thick that it could be cut by knife.  
Spock felt like his heart had been torn out of his side and now there was just an emptiness.

  
"What- How?" Lieutenant Uhura rose from her seat, approaching Chekov.

  
"He said that their shuttle was damaged," Spock told her quietly. "They did not have enough time to fix it properly.

  
"Lieutenant Uhura, try to contact them."

  
"Yes sir," the woman returned to her place and started pushing buttons frantically.

  
"Send another shuttle down," Spock ordered, but suddenly his communicator beeped.

  
"Spock..."

  
"It's Keptin!" Chekov yelled.

  
"Locate him!" Spock turned back to the device.

  
"Captain? Captain, can you hear me?"

  
"Shit Spock, beam us up," Jim's voice trembled and it was full of pain.

  
"A shuttle is flying to you," Spock gripped his communicator like his life depended on it. But maybe it did. "It will reach you in thirty min- "

  
"Spock," Kirk coughed and cursed quietly. "I'll die- by the time- they reach us."

  
Jim's breaths were shallow and Spock was hundred percent sure that Kirk was chocking on his own blood.

  
"Beam him up, Chekov!" Spock raised his voice.

  
"I can't, sir," the Ensign shook his head. "He is right in ze centre of a magnetic storm!"

  
A strange wild feeling awoke in Spock's gut and he gritted his teeth to prevent himself from punching something. Such feeling Spock had experienced only once - when he almost killed Jim.

  
"Captain, describe your injuries."

  
The best thing Spock could do right now was talk to Jim.

  
"Shit, Spock! A fucking piece of shuttle stabbed me through! Everything's burning! Spock," now the Vulcan heard tears in Jim's voice, "beam us up."

  
A second later Spock's communicator got silent.

  
"Uhura, contact him! Any of them!" Spock said over his shoulder and came over to Chekov.

  
"What can you do?" He asked.

  
"Sir, the Keptin is ze only one alive, he's in ze centre of a magnetic storm, transportation is impossible."

  
"It is not," suddenly a wave of realization hit him.

The magnetic storm influenced transporting room's functions. However, Spock could _calculate_ , how much.

  
"If you let me," the Vulcan pushed Chekov out of the chair and sat down. "I can transport him."

  
"No, sir, don't do zis!" the Ensign panicked. "It is too dangerous!"

  
"He's right, sir," Sulu added. "Transportation in such circ- "

  
"Please, shut up," even Spock himself couldn't believe he said that. But now wasn't the right time for Vulcan talking.

  
Spock focused on his work only, his mind calculating all possibilities. He couldn't let Jim die.

  
"He will get transported somewhere on the upper levels of the ship," Spock explained and breathed out, ready to press the button. "That is the best I can do."

  
He touched the screen and transportation activated.

  
"Uhura, inform two upper levels that Jim might get transported there."

  
"Yes sir."

  
"Was it- successful?" Sulu asked, eyeing the Vulcan.

  
"We will know it when we find the Captain," Spock replied and headed to the turbolift. "I must check the levels."

* * *

 

Some ensigns had found the Captain James Kirk in a pool of his own blood in the furthest corner of the ship.

  
He was immediately rushed to the medbay and no one knew how he was doing there.

  
Spock was always seen only in two places: on the bridge or in the medbay. He never returned to his quarters until Doctor McCoy scolded him about it.

  
"You better get to your room and take some sleep," Leonard growled in the Vulcan's face. "Or I swear to god, I'll never let you in the medbay again."

  
As much as Spock didn't want it, he had to leave. He was exhausted and he hadn't slept for two days. He wasn't even sure whether he had eaten something.

  
Spock took a shower trying to wash away all worries and stress. _Jim is alright, Jim is alright_ , the Vulcan kept repeating to himself. He wished he had gone to the planet with Jim, maybe something would change, maybe Spock would be able to fix the shuttle and it wouldn't have exploded. Jim wouldn't get hurt.

  
After the shower Spock went over to the replicator, made some Vulcan tea and ate his dinner.

  
He felt so lonely and miserable. His mind could feel only a weak response from Jim's mind. Sometimes Spock could feel Jim's strongest emotions such as anger, happiness, fear.

  
Maybe Spock had to finally tell Jim. Now that he had almost lost his _T'hy'la_... Spock thought that it would be the best if he admitted his feelings towards Jim as soon as possible. As soon as Jim awoke.

  
Spock's communicator beeped and the Vulcan opened it immediately.

  
"Spock."

  
"Hey hobgoblin!" Leonard said. "Jim's awake."

  
"Doctor, I- " but Spock was rudely interrupted.

  
"I'll let you see him only tomorrow, so take some sleep, you're not going down here tonight. McCoy out."

  
Spock breathed in relief, knowing that Jim was awake. However, not always 'awake' meant 'alright'.


	6. Chekov ten times dead

After everything that Bones had told Jim, the Captain now was completely sure it was a miracle that he stayed alive.

  
"Your spine was broken in three places, you have a minor skull fracture, had an internal bleeding and a piece of metal sticking out of your stomach," Bones read from the padd he was holding. "I bet your guardian angel is begging the god to let him take a vacation."

  
Jim wanted to laugh, but he couldn't. His stomach and back hurt and he had burns on his face that prevented him from expressing any emotions.

  
"You're stuck here...," Bones scratched his chin, "I'd say for two weeks. And, please, don't try to leave earlier. Deal?"

  
"Mhm," Jim mumbled.

  
"Don't worry," Leonard patted his shoulder. "You'll be able to rant soon enough."

  
Jim only rolled his eyes, not being able to do anything more.

  
"Now tell me, kiddo," Leonard inquired. "Do you feel your legs?"

  
"Mhm."

  
"And arms?"

  
"Mhm."

  
"And everything else?"

  
"Mhm."

  
"Then you've escaped the worst," Leonard sighed and typed on his padd. "Take a rest, you're off duty for now, don't worry about anything."

  
Jim wanted to thank Leonard, but right now he couldn't even smile.  
So he followed Doctor's orders and fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

 

The next day went by like a blur. Jim couldn't really comprehend what exactly was happening. He was under a big dose of morphine to keep him away from screaming in pain.

  
All faces seemed like a smeared paint to him, he couldn't really tell who was who, however, he knew which of them was Bones. The one whose blurry picture Jim saw most often.

  
Jim constantly zoned in and out of consciousness. He swam somewhere in between dream world and the reality so he couldn't really tell if the warm hand holding his own was real.

  
The morphine influence subsided only when the evening was near. At least Jim thought that it was an evening. His internal clock was a bit messed up after everything.

  
"Jim?"

  
Jim turned his head to see Leonard standing nearby.

  
"Are you fully conscious?"

  
"Mhm," Kirk mumbled and closed his eyes for a moment. The lights were too bright.

  
"Now look here, kid," Jim opened his eyes and McCoy shone a flashlight into his eyes.

  
"You are getting better, Jim," Leonard put the flashlight away and turned his attention towards the padd. "You don't have a concussion, that's good."

  
"Are you hungry?"

  
"A bit," Jim croaked, trying out his voice.

  
"I'll bring you something you can stomach," Bones put the padd away. "Be right back."

  
Jim watched Leonard leave and let his eyes scan the medbay. All beds were empty, in the far corner of the room Nurse Chapel was sitting and reading something on her padd. Kirk wiggled his toes, because... because why not? He smiled, happy that he was alive, that he could move.

  
However, Jim's good mood dropped as soon as he realized that he will have to contact the families of those who died on Narde. Jim had done it before, but this time was different. It was his fault that they were dead. He had to collect more data about the planet, maybe they would notice aliens.

  
"Captain?"

  
Jim dozed out of his thoughts and glanced up to see his First Officer by his bed.

  
"Spock," Jim whispered, not really trusting his voice completely.

  
"May I sit there?" Spock inquired and motioned to a chair nearby.

  
Jim only nodded and sighed, fighting an internal battle in his head. He wanted to talk to Spock badly, however, his voice sounded like Jim was some eighty years old grandpa.

  
"How are you doing, Captain?"

  
"I'm off duty for now, Spock. Just call me 'Jim'," he half-whispered.

  
"As you wish, Jim," the corners of Spock's mouth tugged up in a small, barely noticeable smile. Jim had looked at Spock's face enough times to know when the Vulcan was smiling.

  
"As you can see," Jim motioned to himself, "I'm in one piece."

  
"I am glad to hear that. The crew is worried about you, now I will be able to inform them about your physical state."

  
"That's great," Jim nodded and sunk deeper in the pillows. "Tell me what happened, Spock."

  
"You were in the centre of the magnetic storm when the shuttle exploded. Ensign Chekov said that transportation was impossible, however, I... insisted."

  
Kirk couldn't help, but laugh quietly. He could imagine how Spock "insisted". Probably with a death glare in his eyes. If a stare could kill... Chekov would be ten times dead.

  
"I do not understand what you find amusing, Jim," Spock raised his brow and Jim only snorted.

  
"Nothing, Spock, nothing," he said while grinning. "Continue, please."

  
"Very well. I was able to calculate the influence of the magnetic storm. It gave me an opportunity to transport you safely to the ship. That is all."

  
"Thank you, Spock," Jim said and cleared his throat. "You saved my life."

  
"I merely did what was necessary."

  
"Nonetheless, I would be dead if you didn't do anything," Kirk shrugged and sighed, already feeling exhausted.

  
"I will let you rest," Spock stood up, but Jim wanted him to stay. "Get well, Jim."

  
"Bye," Kirk said weakly and closed his eyes.

  
He heard the Vulcan's steps getting quieter and quieter and then a death silence followed.


	7. Checkmate

The crew visited him regularly. First it was Chekov, he told Jim old Russian jokes. Jim didn't tell the Ensign that some of them were unclear to him, the Captain appreciated his company, though.

  
Then it was Lieutenant Uhura. She wished him to get well soon, informed Jim about how things were going on the bridge.

  
"Spock is a good Acting Captain, you know," she said. "He's so responsible and focused on his work."

  
"Well, it means that the _Enterprise_ will stay unharmed for some time, I guess," Kirk laughed.

  
Sulu, Scotty and many more of the _Enterprise_ crew spared few minutes of their day to their Captain.

  
However, Jim hadn't seen Spock in two days already.

  
When he asked Bones about it, the latter just replied that Spock had descended into work completely.

  
"You know what, Bones?" In the evening of the third day Jim said. "Call Spock, please, and give me the padd, I'm bored."

  
"You think that that green-blooded hobgoblin will entertain you somehow?" Bones laughed, but handed Kirk the padd anyways.

  
"Yes, I'm sure of it," Jim rolled his eyes. "Now go and tell him it's an order."

  
"As you wish, Your Highness," Leonard mumbled and left.

  
"You needed me, Captain?" Spock appeared in the doors of medbay few minutes later.

  
"Yes, take a seat, please," Jim gestured to a chair at the bed and turned on the padd.

  
"Are you familiar with Terran game called 'chess'?"

  
"I am, Captain," Spock raised his eyebrow. "However, I cease to understand how my knowledge might be useful for you."

  
"I want you to play chess with me," Jim grinned and put the padd closer to Spock.

  
"If I understand correctly," his First Officer said slowly, "you ordered me to come to the Medical Bay immediately only because you wanted to play a Terran game which you could play with any other human, for example, Doctor McCoy."

  
"Uh... yeah, you understood it correctly, Spock," Jim nodded. "You're my friend. Besides you've been working much so I think a little rest won't hurt."

  
"As you wish, Captain."

  
"Jim, just Jim. We talked about this, Spock," Kirk groaned and turned the padd so he was playing with the white.

  
"I'm starting," he grinned and made a first move.

* * *

 

Jim never won, but he wasn't upset about it. He enjoyed the process itself. Jim and Spock talked about trivial things, discussed whether a black hole could be created artificially and remembered good old days.

  
Jim had never felt so happy before. Spock's company was a bliss to him, it was something Jim craved for. He tried not to think that Spock will never love him back, he lived in the now and didn't care neither about the past, nor future.

  
"It is late, Jim," Spock said after another game was finished. "I believe you should take a rest."

  
"Yeah, you're right," Jim rubbed his eyes. Spock took the padd and put it aside.

  
"I enjoyed the time we spent together," the Vulcan rose from his seat. "Have a good night, Jim."

  
"Don't overwork yourself, Spock," Jim smiled at him. "Come down here more often, I like your company."

  
It would be logical if only a hint of smile appeared on Spock's face. Vulcans didn't show emotions after all.

  
However, Spock's logical side switched off that evening and he gave Jim a real smile. His lips and eyes smiled, he was happy.

  
If they were together, Spock would say that he loved Jim. He would give him a kiss on the lips.

  
But they weren't together. And that hurt both of them.


	8. Not you too, Spock!

"Doctor, may I have a word with you?" Spock approached Leonard once Jim fell asleep.

  
Jim was in the medbay for a week already, he was getting better and soon he would be able to walk.

  
Every evening Spock visited Jim and played chess with him. It was one of those rare moments when they were by themselves and no one disturbed them. It was like they were in a bubble - their own small world.

  
Today wasn't an exception. They played few chess games and Spock decided to stay until Jim fell asleep. Spock realized that he liked watching the Captain sleep. He looked so peaceful and innocent, and yet he looked like a sky could fall, but he would stay unharmed. Even in his sleep Jim gave away an aura of greatness.

  
"Sure, what's up?" Leonard motioned Spock to follow him to his office.

  
"I have heard that you are quite good in giving advice, Doctor," Spock said and sat down.

  
"Really? Well, I'm flattered," Leonard chuckled. "How can I help you?"

  
Spock took a deep breath.  
"I must admit I have developed romantic feelings towards someone."

  
"Oh god," McCoy groaned. "Not you too!"

  
"Excuse me, Doctor?"

  
"It's nothing. Just you're not the only one who has told me this."

  
"I see you have had an experience with such a case," Spock said. "What was your advice to this person?"

  
Leonard just shrugged, "I told him to tell him. Hiding feelings is more painful than a heartbreak."

  
"This might be hard for that person to admit his feelings," Spock stated after a few seconds of silence.

  
"What do you mean?"

  
"From your answer it is clear that this person is a male who has developed feelings for another male. I have heard that terrans do not always support same sex relationships."

  
"You're right," Leonard nodded. "But that's just a conservatism! World is changing drastically. We are finding new alien races, new planets and it's just idiotic to stick to old beliefs."

  
"I agree, Doctor."

  
"You do?"

  
"Yes," Spock frowned and added, "What surprises you?"

  
"I don't know," McCoy laughed. "Maybe the fact that a Vulcan agreed to my statement without any arguments."

  
"Then your surprise is understandable, Doctor."

  
"Anyways, we're off topic," Leonard rubbed his hands together. "Tell me about your mysterious love!"

  
"It is a human," Spock said thoughtfully, not wanting McCoy to realize of who he was talking about.

  
"Uhura?"

  
"No, we both decided that it will be better if we stay friends," Spock replied. "Are you familiar with Vulcan term ' _T'hy'la_ '?"

  
"Yeah, I've heard about it," Leonard scratched his chin. "It's like your soulmate?"

  
"Yes, you could say that," Spock nodded. "Lieutenant Uhura is not my _T'hy'la_. It is someone else."

  
"Wow," Leonard smiled and leaned back in his chair. "Congratulations, Spock!"

  
"It is unnecessary, Doctor," Spock shook his head. "I do not know whether they will accept the _T'hy'la_ bond."

  
Leonard sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.  
"Let me guess, it's a him."

  
"What made you think like that, Doctor?" Spock tilted his head.

  
"The fact that you didn't say 'she'. That's pretty easy."

  
"You are right, Doctor. It's a male human. What advice could you give me?"

  
"The same one I gave J- that other person."

  
Of course Spock noticed Leonard's stuttering in the middle of the sentence.

  
'J'... Spock's first thought was 'Jim'. But could that be true? Jim was well known for his reputation as a man who has had one night stands with countless women.

  
"So I'm telling you," Leonard interrupted Spock's train of thoughts. "Tell him. The sooner, the better. Or one day it might be too late."

* * *

 

"Jim? We have to talk," Spock said as soon as he sat on the chair near his Captain's bed.

  
"You're earlier today than usual," Kirk frowned. "What happened?"

  
"I have something important to tell you."

  
Jim put aside the empty bowl of the soup he was eating and wiped his mouth.

  
"Okay, I'm listening."

  
"Jim..." Spock hesitated. _It's now or never_ , he thought and took a deep breath. "Jim, you ar- "

  
"Commander Spock!"

  
Spock looked over his shoulder and saw an officer running towards him.

  
"A ship is attacking us! They're using something that's blocking our communication! They're locking torpedoes on us!"

  
Spock jumped to his feet, looked at Jim one last time and ran to the bridge. If only he had had more time...

  
"What is the situation?" Spock asked once he was on the bridge.

  
"It's not a Federation ship, Keptin," Chekov explained. "Zey have done something to our communication system."

  
"Lieutenant Uhura, try to restart the communication system," Spock ordered and locked his gaze on a ship in a viewing screen.

  
"Yes, sir."

  
The ship was approximately as big as the _Enterprise_ , it was dark and it clearly wasn't new.

  
"Shields up, be ready to fire back," Spock said. "Can this type of ship go to warp?"

  
"It can, but for few minutes only," Sulu replied. "However, I'm not sure about it. It might last longer."

  
"The communication system is working," Uhura informed.

  
"Mr Sulu, insert Jupiter's coordinates and go to full warp. We will try to escape."

  
Sulu nodded and started the warp, however, the system started beeping and the ship didn't move.

  
"Sir, we can't go on warp, I don't understand what's happening," Sulu started tapping the panel frantically. "Everything seems to be fine!"

  
"Engineering to bridge!" came Scotty's voice. "The warp core isn't working! We don't know why!"

  
"What is happening?" Spock mumbled.

  
"Keptin, I can't activate our weapons," Chekov stammered.

  
"They are hailing us, Captain," Uhura reported.

  
"On the screen."

  
"Hello dear crew of the _Enterprise_ ," spoke a man with an evil smile. He was human in his mid thirties. His bright green eyes bore into Spock.

  
"Huh," he uttered. "I expected to see James T. Kirk. Is he dead?"

  
"He is," Spock replied shortly.

  
"Shame, I wanted to kill him myself," the man said in a mockingly sad voice. "Well... I guess I have nothing to do here so I'll leave as soon as I destroy you."

  
The screen went back to normal and Spock headed to the turbolift.

  
"Do whatever is needed, but get our warp core or at least weapons working. We are not going down without a fight."

  
Spock stopped running only when he reached the medical bay.

  
"Spock?" Jim straightened in his bed. "Who's attacking us?"

  
"Who wants to kill you?" Spock asked instead.

  
"Too many to count," Jim gulped. "Why are you asking?"

  
"What male with green eyes wants to kill you?" Spock narrowed the circle. "He is ready to destroy our ship."

  
"Oh shit...," Jim cursed. "Did you tell him I'm alive?"

  
"I said that you were dead," Spock explained. "I thought it was the most logical reply."

  
"You're a life saver, Spock," Jim sighed in relief. "Let me guess, even the warp core isn't working?"

  
"You are right, Captain," Spock frowned. "What is he doing to the _Enterprise_?"

  
"It's difficult, I'll explain later. Now help me get up," Jim winced as he sat up and swung his legs over the bed.

  
"Captain, what are you doing?" Spock put his hands on Jim's shoulders. "You cannot get up yet!"

  
"I know how to stop it!" Jim yelled. "I have to get on a shuttle and fly to his ship. I know where to shoot to stop the blocking."

  
"Tell me which part of the ship must be destroyed, I will do that," Spock tried to convince the Captain, but Kirk only shook his head.

  
"You don't understand. We drew blueprints of this ship together. I and Shawn. I created the weapon that can turn off all ship's functions. I thought it was destroyed in the fire, but it seems that Shawn repaired it. Spock, I created the weapon, now let me destroy it. Only I can do it correctly!"

  
"I am coming with you to the shuttle," Spock stated.

  
"Okay, okay, just get me some clothes, we must go."

  
Spock helped Jim up after he got dressed.

  
"Shit!" Jim cursed as his knees buckled, but Spock caught him and put Jim's arm around his shoulders. He put his hand on Jim's waist to steady him.  
Suddenly a huge hit shook the ship.

  
"They started firing!" Kirk exclaimed. "We must hurry."

  
The halls were full of people running in every direction, however, they moved out of the way when they saw their Captain.

  
Three hits later Spock and Jim reached the shuttle and got in.  
Jim groaned and plopped down on a seat.

  
"Are you adequate?" Spock asked over his shoulder as he started the shuttle.

  
"I'll be fine," Kirk moved to the front so he was sitting in the second pilot's chair.

  
"Kirk to the bridge," he said in Spock's communicator.  
"Spock and I are in a shuttle on our way to enemy's ship. I don't care how, but divert their attention from us. Kirk out."

  
The shuttle left the _Enterprise_ and headed to Shawn's ship.

  
"Captain, tell me more about Shawn and this weapon," Spock inquired.

  
Kirk exhaled deeply and shifted in his seat to take more comfortable position.

  
"We met in a bar a few years ago. We started talking and soon found out we both were interested in spaceships, weaponary... Shawn and I met more often to discuss newest inventions, we even started constructing our own cars, planes and soon we drew our first ship's blueprint. While Shawn was focused on the ship, I tried to find ways to disable some of spaceship's functions at once.

"One day in nearest carrier I found a radioactive mineral. It was harmless to humans, however, all electronic devices, even warp core, stopped working around it. Then I just added a strong magnet, found a way of how to focus the energy and it was ready. The weapon that could change history."

"Did you tried to destroy this weapon?" Spock asked after a minute of silence.

  
"Yes," Jim nodded. "I made it look like an accident. I set the barn on fire where the weapon was and kept the mineral to myself."

  
"How did Shawn get the mineral then?"

  
Surprisingly no one was firing at them, only few miles were left to reach the ship.

  
"Shawn realized it was me, because someone saw me add fire to the barn. He beat me up, stole the mineral and I never saw him again."

  
"How do you plan to disable the weapon, Captain?" Spock asked. "We're close."

  
"The only way to do that- " Jim shifted again, " -is to destroy the mineral."

  
"Do you need to get into the ship?"

  
"No, you just have to fire here," Jim pointed to the left of ship's corpus. "See that gray panel? Shoot at it. When we get rid of it, we'll see the weapon's middle where the mineral is."

  
"Yes, Captain," Spock approached the gray panel and opened the fire.

He hoped that Shawn won't start firing at them. He wondered what people on the bridge were doing that Shawn hadn't opened the fire at the shuttle yet.

  
The panel was shot into little shards.

  
"Now, it's my turn," Jim said and exhaled. "If I miss, the ship will explode and we die. If I don't miss, we live happily ever after."

  
"Focus on the most optimistic option, Jim," Spock said. "You will do everything correctly. I believe in you."

  
"Well and I hope it goes well," Jim murmured and aimed at the small red dot in the middle of the weapon.

  
He breathed in and out slowly, held his breath and shot.

  
"Spock to the bridge," the Vulcan said in his communicator. "Are systems of the _Enterprise_ working?"

  
"Yes, sir, we can go to warp," Sulu replied.

  
"The Captain and I are still near Shawn's ship, we are returning now. Spock out."

  
"Okay, let's go and hope he doesn't kill us," Jim spoke and turned the shuttle around.

  
"I would really like to know what methods the bridge used to divert Shawn's attention from us," Spock said as he eyed the dark ship.

  
"Me too, Spock, me too."

  
Soon they were in the hangar and Jim landed the shuttle.

  
"Spock to the bridge. Go to full warp now. Spock out." Spock closed his communicator and put it away.

  
"Thank god it's over," Jim whispered and closed his eyes. "The mineral is destroyed, Shawn can't reach us..."

  
"You saved us, Jim," Spock didn't take his eyes from the man in front of him. Jim looked so tired, but also relieved that his crew was safe now.

  
"Jim?"

  
"Mm?"

  
"I have to tell you something."  
Now Jim opened his eyes and turned towards Spock so now they were sitting face to face.

  
"What is it?"

  
"In the medical bay I did not have an opportunity to tell you," Spock started and didn't raise his gaze from the floor. "You are my _T'hy'la_ , Jim."

  
"What does it mean?" Jim tilted his head.

  
"Friend. Brother. Lover."

  
"Which one of them I am?"

  
Spock looked up and let himself drown into Jim's bright blue orbs. His eyes were magnificent, breathtaking...

  
"All of them."

 

  
"How long have you known?" There was a bitter note in Kirk's voice and Spock felt ashamed of not telling him earlier.

  
"Since we met in the Starfleet Academy."

  
"And you're telling me this only now?" Jim looked at Spock and his eyes were glistening with tears. "You can't imagine how long I've been killing myself thinking you would never love me back if I told you. I was scared to tell you, because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. And now... Now you're telling me that I'm your _T'hy'la_..."

  
"I- ", a sob escaped Jim's lips and he rubbed his eyes. "I can't- "

  
"Jim," Spock reached out and put his hand on Jim's. Now he was completely sure that both of them felt the tingles run up their arms.  
"I feared that you will reject the bond," the Vulcan said. "I did not want to ruin our friendship either. I was as scared as you were."

For a moment Jim said nothing. He stared at the floor, his eyes brighter than usual. Like a burning ice.

  
"Do you- " Jim's words sounded like a light autumn breeze, barely a whisper. "Do you accept me as your _T'hy'la_?"

  
"I do. Do you accept _me_ , Jim?"

  
Suddenly Jim leaned over and hugged Spock. The Vulcan immediately wrapped his arm's around human's waist and held him close like it was the last time he would see him.

  
"I do, Spock. I do."


	9. The Moment

Bones almost buried Jim alive when he found out that he had not only risen from his bed, but also went to the hangar, shot at Shawn's ship and flew back on the shuttle.

  
"What were you thinking, Jim?" Bones threw his hands in the air. "Internal bleeding could have started!"

  
"And you?" Then he turned towards the nearby standing Spock. "Are you out of your Vulcan mind again? Why did you let him get up?"

  
"Doctor, the Captain ignores Federation's laws and regulations. I do not think he would have listened to me," Spock said with a small smirk only Kirk was able to distinguish.

  
"You both are two idiots," Leonard mumbled and turned on the scanner. "Don't do that anymore, Jim, I don't want you to die because of your stupidity."

  
"No promises," Jim shrugged and lied back in the bed. "Besides, how long do I have to be here?"

  
"One more week and then you're free to go and do whatever you want. But while you're in my medbay- " Leonard checked Jim's vitals, " -you have my permission to do only three things: lay, breathe and think."

  
"What about eating, Bones?"

  
"Mother of god, don't start, okay? It seems you're doing fine, nothing's damaged. Stay in bed," Bones pointed at Jim.

  
"I will," the Captain grinned, but McCoy just rolled his eyes and left.  
Spock sat on the chair and took Jim's hand in his.

  
"I must return to the bridge," the Vulcan said. "But I will come as soon as I can."

  
"Yeah, no problem," Jim smiled at him. "I'll be here."

  
Spock chuckled and shook his head.

  
"It is not like you could go anywhere, Jim. Take rest."

  
As soon as the doors shut behind the Vulcan, Jim finally noticed the coldness surrounding him. But the fire in his chest kept flaming.

* * *

 

"Spock, we have to talk," Jim said as soon as he was in his First Officer's quarters.

  
A week had passed by already, Kirk was fully recovered and Leonard let him out of the medbay.

  
Also during that time the Captain finally found out how the Bridge diverted Shawn's attention.

Figures, Lieutenant Uhura, Ensign Chekov and Mr Sulu danced salsa in front of Shawn.

  
At first Jim didn't believe them, but when he saw the video he couldn't decide whether give them a year long shore leave or laugh his ass off. Anyways, the crew did a great job, as always. Kirk was proud to have them.

  
Right now the Captain was standing at the door to Spock's room, waiting for the Vulcan to open up.

  
"What happened, Jim? Take a seat," Spock sat down on the couch and the Captain plopped beside him as soon as he was inside.

  
"I wanted to talk to you about _T'hy'la_ bond," Jim started and wiped his sweaty palms against his pants. Why was he even nervous about some little chat?

"Tell me about it more."

  
Few moments Spock's gaze was focused on Jim only, his eyebrows drawn together as if he was trying to make a speech right in his head. (Which he probably was.)

  
"Only few Vulcans have their destined ones. A _T'hy'la_ bond is very rare," Spock said. "A _T'hy'la_ to Vulcan is like a soulmate. _T'hy'la_ bond allows for both Vulcans to feel each other's emotions. In our case-" Spock gestured between him and Jim " -only I am capable of that."

  
"Lucky one," Jim muttered under his breath, but Spock only raised his eyebrow. Which Jim found irresistibly hot.

  
"The bond is complete once- " Spock hesitated and Jim raised his eyebrows, expecting for the Vulcan to continue.

  
"Once what?"

  
And suddenly it hit him.

  
"Oh," was all Kirk was able to say.

  
"I assume you have understood my point," Spock looked awfully uncomfortable and after a second of silence Jim put his hand on Spock's. He laced their fingers together.

  
"I am so happy that I found my _T'hy'la_ ," Spock said quietly after a while and leaned closer. "And I am even happier that it is you."

  
Jim felt heat rise up his cheeks. No one had ever told him something like this.

  
He looked at their intertwined fingers and squeezed Spock's hand lightly. Spock's skin under his own felt so right, so real.

  
Fingers stroked Jim's cheek and he looked up, meeting Spock's brown eyes.

  
He was instantly lost, he could look into the Vulcan's eyes forever, he wanted them to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up. He wanted them to be the last thing he sees when he falls asleep.

  
Only then Jim realized how close they were to each other. How close Spock's face was.

  
They both leaned in and Jim's eyes fluttered shut.

  
The kiss was warm, affectionate and awoke butterflies in Jim's stomach. Everything a first kiss should be.

  
To tell the truth it wasn't Kirk's _first_ kiss. It was his first kiss with Spock. And that was special.

  
The Vulcan's lips were warm and soft. He wasn't rough, he didn't push. Spock was perfect.

  
Jim pulled away first, in desperate need of air. Spock's cheeks were a bit green and his eyes glowed in happiness.

  
Then Jim finally realized - it was a wonderful moment. The most perfect in his life.


	10. Terran sky

"So, Jim. How's it going with your mysterious man?" Leonard wiggled his fingers as he said the word 'mysterious'.

  
Jim was in medbay for a checkup (Bones wasn't going to leave him alone for a week or two). The bay wasn't very full, only few patients here and there and currently all of them seemed to be either asleep or unconscious.

  
"Huh?" Jim descended out of his thoughts and McCoy sighed.

  
"Wake up, Sleeping beauty," he grumbled and turned on the scanner. "How's your boyfriend doing?"

  
"Ah, he... Fine," Kirk just shrugged and yawned. Last night he couldn't really sleep, his mind was busy with thoughts about a certain someone. The Captain was still half asleep now, even the coffee didn't help.

  
"Wait," Leonard paused. "You told him?"

  
"Who? Yes, yes, it's alright," Jim suppressed another yawn. Bones rolled his eyes when he saw it.

  
"Go, take some sleep, kid. We'll talk another day."

  
"Yeah, sure," Jim hopped off the biobed.

  
"But still..." Leonard said slowly. "Are you two together? You and the love of your life?"

  
"Kind of, I'll give you details tomorrow. Bye!"

  
"What? Really?"

  
" _Bye_ , Bones!"  
Jim left the medbay with a small smile playing on his lips.  
He headed to his HQ, deep in thoughts.

  
Today he and Spock didn't have time to talk. At all. There was a huge mistake in one of the reports that needed to be solved immediately. Also the Science department required Spock's presence right before the Alpha shift ended.

  
Jim had never thought that he could miss talking to someone so much. Spock became Kirk's anchor that kept him sane.

  
"Captain?"

  
Jim spun around and couldn't help but smile, seeing Spock approaching him.

  
"Mr Spock," Kirk nodded. "How's it going in the Science department?"

  
"The problem was successfully solved," but then Spock frowned. "How are you feeling, Captain?"

  
Jim just waved his hand.  
"Nah, fine. Just tired, didn't get much sleep yesterday. And all this fuss over that report... Jeez."

  
Jim yawned again.

  
"Are you on your way to your headquarters?" the Vulcan asked, hands behind his back.

  
"Yup," Jim nodded.

  
"May I accompany you?"

  
"Of course! Let's go!"

  
"So what was the problem in the Science department?" Jim asked after a while.

  
"The plant we found on the planet Gliese 587c started growing uncontrollably," Spock explained. "It had to be destroyed."

  
"That's sad," Jim pursed his lips. "It was that red flower, right?"

  
"Yes. Its full name is- "

  
"Big red extraterrestrial flower," Kirk interrupted Spock and laughed. He glanced at his First Officer who didn't seem to find the Captain's joke funny.

  
"Sorry," Kirk cleared his throat, feeling ashamed.

  
"Don't apologize, _ashayam_ ," Spock smiled at him with his eyes. "You did nothing wrong."

  
"What did you call me?"

  
By that time they both had reached Jim's HQ. Kirk motioned Spock to come in and the latter obliged.

  
"I called you _ashayam,_ " Spock said. "It means 'beloved' in Vulcan."

  
"That's sweet," Jim smiled and looked at his feet.

  
"Are you busy tonight, Jim?" Spock asked, his hand brushing against Jim's.

  
"No, I'm free."

  
Jim looked up just in the right moment to see Spock smiling not only with his eyes, but with his lips too. It was rare to see Spock express any emotions. Even to see his eyes gleam in happiness required all Jim's attention. But right now he didn't have to worry about that. Spock was showing him how he felt. And Jim felt very special to be the one to see Spock's human side.

  
"Would you like to join me for a chess game?" the Vulcan asked, tilting his head a little.

  
"Gladly," Jim grinned and after a second of hesitation hugged Spock. He instantly wrapped his arms around Jim's waist and held him close.

  
"God, I missed you so much," Jim whispered in Spock's neck.

  
"But I was on the bridge almost the whole day," Jim smiled picturing the Vulcan's frown.

  
"You were there only physically," he replied and took a step back grinning.

  
"Who's white this time?"

  
"I will leave this decision up to you, Jim."

* * *

 

"You cheated!"

  
"I did not. I was thinking logically."

  
"But you can't just take and wipe out all of my men!"

  
"They are called 'pawns'."

  
"They are my warriors!"

  
"They are figures made out of plastic," Spock raised his eyebrow.

  
"And what?" Jim threw his hands in the air and sighed. "But that's not fair! I kill one pawn of yours, but you kill three! Three, Spock!"

  
"It is the purpose of this game," Spock's lips tugged upwards. "To win I must take down your pawns."  
Jim only groaned and put his head on the table.

  
"I hate this game," he mumbled.

  
"Perhaps it is so, because you have not slept properly," Spock reached over the table and touched Jim's arm.

  
"Maybe," Jim said quietly, which probably sounded weird, because his face was still buried in his hands.

  
"Go to sleep, Jim," Spock said quietly.

  
"Okay, okay, I'm going," Jim nodded and rose from his seat. "I'll just take a shower, I'll be right back."

  
To tell the truth, Kirk didn't expect Spock to still be in his room by the time he got out.

  
Spock was sitting in the same chair and it seemed that he hadn't moved for an inch.

  
"You're not gonna sit like that the whole night, are you?" Jim smirked and climbed into his bed.

  
"No, I suppose not," the Commander got up, but the next second he was sitting again, this time on Captain's bed.

  
"I should go now, I have to fill reports," Spock said quietly as he pushed away few strands of Jim's hair. Spock's fingers were cool and soft, almost like feathers.

  
Jim closed his eyes, his body and mind relaxing. Spock's presence, his touch did wonders to Kirk. It was like Jim was constantly drowning, but Spock was the one who pulled him to the surface.  
Warm lips pressed to Jim's forehead, Spock's hand on Kirk's cheek.

  
"Goodnight, _ashayam_ ," Spock mumbled against Jim's forehead and started pulling away, but suddenly a hand grabbed the behind of Spock's neck and pulled him down for another kiss. This time on the lips.

  
This kiss was different from their first one. This kiss was more passionate, more intimate. In this kiss Jim put everything he felt for Spock, he put all the feelings that were a colorful swirl in his soul. No, not a swirl. _A tornado_.

  
When they pulled apart for air, Spock spent some time looking into Jim's eyes. They were as blue as the Terran sky and Spock was sure that he would rather die gazing at them than live without catching a glimpse of these eyes.

  
"What would I do without you," Jim whispered quietly, barely audible.

But Spock heard it.

  
He didn't have time to answer, though, because his _T'hy'la_ was fast asleep.

 


	11. The line went dead

A tough day was ahead of Jim. Not only he had to fill reports that he failed to do when he was in the medbay, but also the Captain had to contact families of those who he lost on Narde. The latter made Jim's stomach twist.

  
It wouldn't be the first time when he would have to call wives, husbands and parents of the dead officers. After Nero's attack he had hundred of people to inform about the death of their beloved ones.

  
This time was different, though.

This time five people died because of Jim.

  
Kirk didn't tell anybody about this matter, he had to go through this alone.

  
"Are you alright?" Leonard asked Jim in the middle of the Alpha shift.

  
"What? Yeah, fine." Jim only hoped that McCoy won't notice his fidgeting. Obviously Doctor's mind was occupied with other things.

  
"You still haven't told me about your crush," Bones whispered in Jim's ear so no one on the bridge could hear them.

  
"Didn't have time, sorry."

  
"What about tonight?"

  
"Uh- I have other things to do, I'm busy. Maybe tomorrow?"

  
"Yeah and tomorrow you'll say 'maybe tomorrow?'" McCoy mimicked Kirk's voice and the latter rolled his eyes.

  
"You know," Jim said after a moment, "I think I'm up for an early lunch... What about you, Bones?"

  
Leonard grinned and soon both of them were on their way to the mess hall.

  
"So, Jim," McCoy said as they ate. "Details, please."

  
"I can't really tell you his name," Jim shrugged. "But recently I found out that the feelings are mutual."

  
"And when exactly did that happen?"

  
Jim realized that if he tells Bones that it was on the day of Shawn's attack, the Doctor will surely realize who Jim was talking about. Spock was the only alien Jim saw on that day.

  
"Can't tell you that too, sorry."

  
"Dammit, Jim! Tell me something you actually can tell!"

  
Jim thought for a moment and blurted out, "We kissed."

  
Bones choked on his salad. He started coughing and Kirk patted his back.

  
"Whoa, whoa! Calm down! Deep breaths, Bones. I didn't even say anything that crazy."

  
"Mother of Jesus, warn me before you spill out something like that!"

Leonard took a big gulp of water and slammed the cup down on the table a little bit too loud.

  
"So it figures that you two are together, huh?"

  
Jim nodded and chewed thoughtfully.

  
"For now- " he wiped his mouth, "- everything seems to be fine between us."

  
A mischievous grin appeared on Leonard's face.

  
"I can't wait when you'll make it official."

* * *

 

"Computer, a video call to Mr and Mrs Baire."

  
Jim fidgeted with his fingers as he waited for Elena's parents to answer. It was time.

  
"Captain Kirk?" A bald man in his fifties appeared on the screen and Jim straightened in his chair.

  
"Yes, are you Jeremiah Baire? Elena Baire's father?"

  
"Yes, yes, I am. What's the matter?"

  
A woman sat beside Jeremiah and now both parents of the dead officer were looking at the screen with worry in their eyes. Jim was about to break their hearts.

  
"As a Captain of the starship _U.S.S. Enterprise_ I must inform you that three weeks ago Elena Baire lost her life during a mission on an unknown planet."

  
For a moment neither Jeremiah, nor his wife - Diana - moved, obviously trying to process everything they have heard. Jim knew what it must felt like - not believing your own ears. Not being able to accept the reality.

  
"How- " Jeremiah choked out, but Diana covered her mouth with her hand and tears started to build in her eyes.

  
"I led the mission to a recently discovered planet we named Narde," Jim started to explain. "There were six people in total, me included. The local creatures attacked us, but before they managed to break our shuttle. We repaired the shuttle as fast as we could, but it exploded in the air. No one survived."

  
"No one but you," Jeremiah said in a grave tone.

  
"Yes."

  
Jeremiah sighed and hid his head in his hands, Diana sobbed quietly and left. Jim felt their pain. He knew what was it like to lose someone close to heart.

  
"That's how you got those scars?"

Mr Baire gazed at Kirk's cheek were two faint white lines were visible. Bones said they would heal in few months.

  
Jim only managed to nod.

  
"Thank you for letting us know," Jeremiah finally said. "Is there- is there a body?"

  
"Yes, we are on our way to Earth. We will reach it in approximately two weeks. We will contact you as soon as we are there."

  
"Okay," the man said in half-whisper. "Okay."

  
The call ended.

* * *

 

The next four calls were as tough and teary as the first one.

  
Jim was sitting on his bed, his knees drawn close and silently sobbing. They all looked at him like it was his fault. And it was.

  
Jim had to collect more data about Narde. He had to- He had to save them.

  
The Captain wiped away the tears and washed his face. He observed his reflection in the mirror and unconsciously touched the scars on his left cheek. Two faint lines, a constant reminder of his mistake. He was a pathetic mess.

  
Kirk heard the sound of a buzz. He sighed. Someone chose a _perfect_ time for visits.

  
However, Jim was surprised to see Spock standing behind the door.

  
"Spock?" Kirk asked dumbly and the Vulcan frowned.

  
"Yes, Jim. I merely wanted to suggest you a game of chess, however- Are you alright?"

  
"What? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Jim shook his head. "Just a little bit overwhelmed with reports and all."

  
"I see clear signs that indicate that you were crying."

  
Damn, you Spock.

  
"You-" Jim sighed. "Just come in."

  
He stepped aside and the door closed behind Spock.

  
"What happened?" Spock asked, hands behind his back, his eyebrows drawn together.

  
"I called the relatives of the dead officers," Jim plopped down on his bed. "That was tough."

  
His voice sounded blank and emotionless. Perhaps because all emotion was drained from him.

  
Jim felt the mattress dip as Spock sat beside him.

  
"You did the right thing," Spock took Jim's hand in his.

  
"I just did what I had to."

  
"Nonetheless, you could have merely sent an email. But you did not. You were strong enough to face them. I am proud of you."

  
For a moment there was only a silence between them. It wasn't one of those awkward silences that had to be filled with even more awkward laughs or words. No, this silence was _warm_. It didn't suffocate them, it was a silence of understatement.

  
"Thank you," Jim whispered and gave Spock a brief smile.

  
"Your gratitude right now is illogical, because- "

  
"Geez, Spock!" Kirk chuckled. "Start getting used to humans being illogical. We apologize and say 'thank you's' all the time. But I promise you - this one's sincere."

  
"However, I did not do anything that might have caused you to thank me."

  
"Actually you did," Jim squeezed Spock's hand a little. It was a bit cooler than his own. Vulcans had a lower body temperature after all.

"You're here. And that's worth saying 'thank you'."


	12. Pulled under

First it was emotion. Fear poured into Spock's mind like a wave over small boat. Then was a feeling.

Heart thumped wildly in his side, a tiny droplets of sweat appeared on the Vulcan's forehead.

  
Spock woke up with a faint scream, barely audible, immediately silenced by the silence itself. The Vulcan breathed heavily, still feeling fear oozing into his mind. It wasn't long before Spock realized - this fear wasn't his. It was Jim's.

  
Spock jumped out of his bed and rushed to Captain's headquarters, still in his night clothes.

  
Halls were empty and dark, Spock heard only his breathing and the quiet sound of his bare feet as he ran.

  
Spock didn't feel any pain, only fear coming from Jim. It meant that his _T'hy'la_ wasn't hurt. Yet. But who would hurt him? Why was Jim scared?

  
The Vulcan inserted the code only three people knew and the doors to Captain's HQ opened with a faint hiss.

  
Jim was tossing and turning in his bed, mumbling to himself, sweat lining his forehead.

  
"Stop... no... don't- " he had a pained expression on his face. "Don't- "

  
"Jim," Spock put his hands on Jim's shoulders. "Wake up! Jim!"

  
Kirk's eyes flew open, two blue orbs glistening in the dark. He was panting heavily and for a moment didn't seem to register that he was awake, back in his room.

  
"Jim," Spock's fingertips lightly grazed his cheek. Kirk sat up and took few deep breaths.

  
"Spock?" It seemed that only now he had realized that his mate was here.

  
"What are you- ?" Jim licked his dry lips. "How did you get there?"

  
"I know the access code to your room," Spock replied. "I felt your fear and came as fast as I could. How are you feeling?"

  
Jim shook his head and closed his eyes.

  
"Terrible... Just terrible."

  
After a moment of hesitation Spock leaned closer and wrapped his arms around Jim. The latter held tight to Spock and buried his face in the crook of Spock's neck.  
The Vulcan's shirt became wet with Jim's tears.

  
"He killed Sam," Jim whispered and Spock tensed. As far as he knew, Sam was Jim's older brother. However, the Vulcan didn't have any information about him being killed.

  
"Who?" Spock simply asked. For a moment Jim stopped sobbing and Spock heard only quiet sniffs.

  
"Frank. My stepfather," the Captain drew in a shaky breath. "Now I see it almost every night. Frank was drunk and he started hitting Sam... I don't even know why, he just did and- "

  
"I do not pressure you to tell me this," Spock murmured. "If you are not ready- "

  
"I have to tell that to someone," Jim interrupted him. "No one actually knows. Frank told the cops that Sam fell and hit his head. Of course they believed him. Because who would believe an eleven years old kid?"

  
"You were only eleven," Spock said mostly to himself, but his whisper was like a sharp cut in the quietness of the small room.

  
"He hit Sam's head with his foot and- broke his skull. Sam died in my arms making me promise not to die before I turn at least seventy," Jim chuckled at that, his voice dull and lifeless. "To tell the truth I didn't really try to keep my promise. It seems that the world is doing it instead. It's just a miracle that I'm alive."

  
"I do not believe in miracles. You are alive, because you were strong enough to survive. And you still are."

  
"Am I?" Jim pushed himself away from Spock and looked into the Vulcan's dark eyes. "I'm having night terrors almost every freaking night. About Sam and Tarsus IV, and- I'm broken. I'm like a shattered plate that's held together by only a piece of tape. How are you even- ?"

  
"How am I even in love with you?"

  
The silence covered the room again like a thick blanket suffocating both men. This silence was like a dull noise pressing on ears as if they were under water. This silence consisted of unsaid things.

  
Jim wanted to tell Spock that he loved him too, but he was too shocked at the same time. He didn't want it to sound lame or weird. He simply didn't want to mess up by opening his mouth.

  
Spock on the other hand wanted to explain. However, the Vulcan didn't know what to explain or how to do it.

  
"I love you."

  
It was illogical for Spock to be surprised, but he was when he realized that these words left his own lips.

  
"I love you," Jim repeated after Spock slowly as if tasting the words on his tongue. These three short words felt special, because they were meant for only one person. Spock.

  
The latter closed the gap between the two of them and kissed Jim softly. This kiss said, "I am not leaving you. I am here. I will not go."

  
"You really love me," Jim breathed out as if realizing it only now. And maybe it was so. "Stay..."

  
"I will," Spock kissed Jim's forehead and climbed in the bed beside him.  
"You are safe, Jim. I am not leaving."

  
They both fell asleep in each other's arms, chest to chest, feeling their hearts beating quietly, almost inaudible. But it was enough to chase the suffocating silence away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, Tiana, for everything!:) *hugs*


	13. Knock, knock! Hello, it's Death

"Ah, shut up," Jim groaned as the alarm rang, disrupting his wonderful sleep. He turned the thing off and closed his eyes, feeling too comfortable to get up.

  
Only then he noticed that he wasn't alone in his bed. Spock's arm was draped over his waist, holding him close to the Vulcan's chest.

  
"Jim?" Spock whispered, his breath tickling Jim's ear. The latter felt himself smile. He couldn't believe that Spock was here. With him.  
Jim turned around so he was facing Spock.

  
"Morning," he mumbled, still in the daze of sleep.

  
"Good morning to you too," Spock stroked Jim's cheek, his cold fingers tracing the white scars. Jim frowned, suddenly feeling ugly and insecure.

  
"A frown does not suit you," Spock said in a gentle voice, like a warm spring breeze. "Personally I prefer your smile."

  
How could Jim not smile at this?

  
"You're a sap," he laced their fingers together. "However, as much as I don't want to, we have to get up."

  
"I agree."

  
But none of them made an attempt to actually get out of the bed.

  
"Jim, I- Dear God!" Bones yelled as soon as he walked in Captain's HQ.

  
"Bones? What the- ?" Jim jumped up, not taking his eyes off McCoy who shifted his gaze from Jim to Spock and back to Jim.

  
"So it's you and the hobgoblin? Seriously?" Leonard groaned and turned around.  
"Okay, I'm leaving, find me in the medbay. Bye!"

  
"I assume you have not told Doctor McCoy about our relationship," Spock sat up and raised his eyebrow.

  
"Uh... No," Jim felt heat rush in his cheeks. "I didn't know if you'd be okay with this."

  
"Well, Doctor has already seen much so I suggest you to tell him officially."

  
Jim laughed and shook his head.  
"Geez, Spock. You're irreplaceable."

He got out of the bed and headed towards the closet.

  
"Jim?"

  
"Mm?"

  
"Do you have any First Officer's clothes?"

  
Jim stopped rummaging in his closet and turned around. Spock was standing in the middle of the room in dark blue pajamas.

  
"You see, I cannot walk in the halls dressed improperly."

  
"Oh, Spock..."

  
In the end Jim asked Bones to bring Spock's clothes from the First Officer's room. To be honest, the Captain had a feeling that McCoy will grumble about it the next few years.

  
No one seemed to notice that Spock and Jim walked out of Captain's HQ together, and if somebody did... Probably they were sure that it was some important work matter, because literally no one could imagine them as a couple.

  
The first reason was that Jim was human, but Spock wasn't. But it wouldn't be the first time when two people from completely different species fell in love with each other.

  
The second reason though was quite simple. Spock was Vulcan. And everyone knew that Vulcan's were emotionless, logical pointy eared creatures who didn't get idioms and jokes.

  
But no one seemed to keep in mind that Spock was half-human after all.

  
Anyways, none of the crew shot second glances towards their Captain and his First Officer. And Jim thanked all heavens for that.  
While Spock was on his way to the bridge, Jim headed to the medbay to see Leonard.

  
Bones pulled Jim in his office as soon as the Captain was within his reach.

  
"Explain."

  
Jim plopped down on the chair and put his feet on the table.

  
"Spock and I are in a relationship."

  
"Yeah, I figured out that much," Bones swatted Jim's feet away and sat on the table. "How did it start?"

  
"Honestly?" Jim exhaled deeply. "I don't even know. One moment we're shooting at Shawn's ship, in the next one he says I'm his _T'hy'la_. And then it just goes from there."

  
"Well, I'm happy for you," Bones shrugged. "Just be careful."

  
"What do you mean?"

  
"Something tells me that it won't be easy to keep a steady relationship with Vulcan. With your illogicalness, recklessness- "

  
"Okay, okay, I got it," Jim chuckled. "But it's worth giving a try."

  
"Just don't get your heart broken, kid."

  
"I'll try."

  
"Fine," Leonard patted Kirk's shoulder. "There's another important matter. Remember that virus I told you about on the day when you landed on Narde?"

  
"Yeah," the Captain frowned. "Something about people throwing up everywhere?"

  
"Yeah, that one," Leonard sighed and suddenly he looked ten years older than he actually was. "We were able to eliminate it, but it seems that the virus has mutated in one of the officers and now we aren't able to cure it."

  
"How many people are sick?"

  
"Seven so far. The symptoms are the same in every case: sudden fever, dizziness, throwing up and internal bleeding. Two died this morning from the loss of the blood. The virus destroys the walls of blood vessels."

  
"That's... like an Ebola?" Jim felt his heartbeat quicken. Such a virus in a starship could wipe out all of them in few days.

  
"Have you isolated the infected?"

  
"Yes," McCoy nodded. "Now we're trying to find a cure or at least something that would ease the symptoms."

  
"But it's not the Ebola, right?"

  
"No, it's not, the virus looks different. I don't know what it is, I don't know how it distributes, I don't know freaking anything! People are dying and I can't do anything about it."

  
"I'll do what I can," Jim got up. "Be careful."

  
"'Careful' is my second name," Bones scoffed and they both left the office.

  
Jim headed to the bridge, deep in thoughts, trying to remember all protocols and regulations to know what was the best to do in such a situation.

  
"Lieutenant Uhura, contact me to any of Starfleet admirals immediately," Kirk ordered as soon as he was on the bridge.

  
"Yes, Captain."

  
"Did something happen?" Spock was by his Captain's seat, as always.

  
"I'll explain, just- Jesus, this is bad."  
Jim's communicator beeped.

  
"Kirk here."

  
"Captain, two more got sick," he heard McCoy's voice. "They both were in the mess hall, we don't know with how many people they were in contact."

  
"What time they were there?"

  
"0900 hours."

  
"Understood, Kirk out."

  
Jim put his communicator away and turned to Uhura.

  
"Lieutenant, communication through the ship!"

  
"Done!"

  
"Attention, crew of the _Enterprise_ , Captain Kirk speaking. Everyone who was in the mess hall in 0900 hours, immediately go to Medical Bay for a checkup. I repeat, everyone who was in the mess hall, go to Medical Bay for a checkup. Kirk out."

  
"What's happening?" Sulu asked, the bridge was silent.

  
Jim couldn't answer, because Uhura spoke:  
"I got in contact with Admiral Pike."

  
"On screen."

  
"Captain Kirk," Pike smiled. "What did I do to earn the honor?"

  
"Admiral," Jim nodded, "good you were able to answer. There is a dangerous virus on the _Enterprise_. So far nine people are infected, maybe more, two are already dead, we have no cure."

  
"Have you isolated the infected?" Pike said the same words Jim had spoken to McCoy.

  
"Yes, sir, however, two of infected were in the mess hall, it is possible that they have spread the virus. I ordered everyone who was in the mess hall to go for a checkup."

  
"Okay, that's good. Are you on your way to Earth?"

  
"Yes, sir, we will reach it in two weeks approximately."

  
"Are you on full warp?" Pike asked, his face growing more concerned with every second.

  
"No, sir."

  
"Then do it. Go on full warp, I will send out a ship with medical staff towards you. Stay on your current course."

  
"Understood."

  
Jim's communicator beeped again.

  
"Excuse me," Jim said to Pike and opened the comm. "Kirk here."

  
"Captain, _everyone_ who was in the mess hall is infected," Bones said, his voice shaking. "Three people just died."

  
"How many?"

  
"Thirty two."

  
"Isolate them all, Kirk out."

  
Pike rubbed his face with his hands, obviously he had heard the conversation.

  
"Red alert, Kirk. Do whatever it takes to not let the virus spread further."

  
"Yes, sir."

  
"May the god have mercy on you all," Pike mumbled and the screen went black.

  
"Red alert, Lieutenant," Jim said over his shoulder. "Inform everyone about the virus and everything the regulation number- what was its number?"

  
"15.4, Captain," Spock said.

  
"Thanks. So everything that regulation number 15.4. states."

  
"Yes, sir."

  
Jim sighed feeling completely helpless. Right now he could only hope that they will stay alive somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But really, will they stay alive? *laughs maniacally*


	14. On Death's doorstep

"What's the update?"

  
Currently Jim was in Bones' office. A day had already passed since he had contacted Admiral Pike.  
Red alert was active on the ship, all staff members had to isolate themselves as much as they could. They didn't leave their rooms without absolute necessarity.

  
"Right now there are fifty eight people in the medbay, thirty dead. Usually they die on the third day of infection. We're still trying to figure out how the virus is spreading," McCoy rubbed his face. He had bags under his eyes and three empty coffee mugs on the table. "If we know how it distributes, we'll be able to prevent the further infecting."

  
"Okay," Kirk nodded. "Anything specific about this virus?"

  
"Actually, yes..." Bones licked his lips and sighed. "Only humans are infected so far."

  
"So there are no sick extraterrestrials?"

  
"None."

  
That already was something.

  
"Okay... How about we isolate humans from each other?" Jim asked. "Maybe that will stop the virus from spreading."

  
"We can try," Leonard shrugged. "Honestly, I'm willing to do anything so save at least one life."

* * *

 

"Attention, crew of the _Enterprise_ , Captain Kirk speaking. There is a possibility that the virus is affecting only humans. All humans on the ship immediately have to isolate themselves from each other. Communication is allowed only with extraterrestrials. Kirk out."

  
"Captain, you are in danger," Spock said, a deep frown between his eyebrows.

  
" _Everyone_ is in danger, Spock," Kirk sighed. "Besides," he added quietly, "a frown doesn't suit you. I prefer your smile."

  
Spock's lips tugged upwards only a little bit, but that was enough for Jim. He felt like a melting marshmallow.

  
"To avoid infection, only two humans are allowed on the bridge. Lieutenant Uhura, Ensign Chekov, please, go to your rooms and don't communicate with anyone on your way. Ensign Kheal, Ensign Darq, please escort them."

  
Both aliens left their places and followed Uhura and Chekov.

  
"Jesus, this is getting worse," Jim put his head in his hands. He rested his elbows on his knees and sighed. "Mr Sulu, how long to Earth?"

  
"One week, sir," Sulu replied. "If nothing gets in our way."

  
"Yeah and if we all don't die here," Jim mumbled.

  
"It is unlikely that we all will die, Captain," Spock said. "If you are right, extraterrestrials will stay unharmed."

  
"You're not helping, Spock!" Jim jumped to his feet, suddenly feeling rage building inside him. "People are dying and I can't do anything about it! You're the Science Officer, better find something useful."

  
A flash of hurt ran through Spock's eyes, but it disappeared quickly.

  
"As you wish, Captain," the Vulcan said coldly and left.

  
"You messed up," Sulu stated the obvious. Kirk only sighed and sat down.

  
"I know. I just- "

  
"I understand," Sulu said, turning to Jim. "However, I suggest you to say sorry to the elf. You hurt his feelings... If he has any."

  
The last part Sulu mumbled very quietly, but Jim heard it nonetheless.

  
"Of course he has feelings," Kirk said. He was the witness for it. "He's- "

  
Suddenly a horrifying thought ran through his head.

  
"Shit! He's half-human!"

  
Jim leapt out of his chair and ran to the turbolift.

  
"Sulu, take the conn!"

  
As soon as the doors opened, Jim ran to the Science department, praying that Spock was here.

  
The crew shot worried glances towards their Captain. Only then Jim noticed that there were no humans in the halls. At all. Perhaps that was for the good.

  
"Spock!" Kirk yelled as soon as he saw the Vulcan's back.

  
"Captain?"

  
"You're half-human!" Jim breathed out and winced feeling the sharp pain in his side from running. "You have to isolate yourself too!"

  
"However, I am also half-Vulcan."  
Spock's stare was still cold, but it started to soften a bit.

  
"That's an order. I can't let you die," Jim said, his breathing slowly returning to normal rhythm. "I'm sorry for everything I said, I didn't mean it, I was- "

  
"I understand," Spock interrupted Kirk and touched his hand lightly. Fortunately no one was around. "I forgive you. I understand you."

  
Jim knew he did.

  
"Okay, phew," he let out a relieved chuckle. "Okay, now go to your room and stay here. If something happens or you need anything, contact me. Or medbay."

  
"Understood," Spock nodded. Then he looked around as if checking whether no one was here. Jim frowned, but the next second Spock pressed his lips to Jim's, giving him a light peck.

  
"I promise you I will be careful."

  
"I love you," Jim said quietly, holding Spock's hand in his.

  
"I love you too, _ashayam_."

  
"Okay, that's getting sappy," Jim chuckled and fought tears that dared to spill. He was so afraid of losing Spock. "Now, go!"

  
Spock leaned in and gave Jim another kiss, his fingers stroking his cheek. He pulled away, his dark eyes locked with Jim's. Spock gave Jim's hand a light squeeze and left.

* * *

 

Jim returned to the bridge, a thin line of sweat on his forehead. At least Spock was safe.

  
"Kirk to medbay," Jim said in his communicator.

  
"McCoy here."

  
"How is it going?"

  
Bones sighed.

  
"Bad, really bad. Science department is working non stop, the medbay is full, twenty more people died and still - no aliens."

  
"How many are infected?"

  
"It'll be easier to say how many are _not_. I'd say around fifty or so."

  
Kirk tensed. That was bad. Really bad. Two thirds of the _Enterprise_ crew were humans.

  
"Okay... okay, just - hold on. The Starfleet ship will reach us soon," Jim tried to reassure Bones.

  
"I _am_ holding on, what else can I do?"

* * *

 

Spock was sitting in his room and sipping some Vulcan tea when he suddenly felt cold. Really cold.

  
The Vulcan shivered and checked the room temperature. It was normal.

  
Suddenly a strong wave of dizziness hit him and Spock had to hold on the nearby chair to steady himself. What was happening?

  
It wasn't fever, it definitely wasn't, because Spock wasn't sweating.

The Vulcan suddenly realized what was happening.

  
The thing was - Vulcans could feel their mate's emotions or when they were in danger. But also they were able to feel when their _T'hy'las_ were sick.

  
Spock ran to the bridge as fast as he could. The cold and dizziness grew only stronger.

  
The Vulcan anxiously waited for the turbolift to finally reach the bridge. Why was it taking so long?  
People say that time passes slow when you're waiting for something. Apparently, that was true, because every second to Spock seemed like a century.

  
"Spock! What are you doing here? I told you- " Jim rose from his seat, but the Vulcan interrupted him.

  
"Are you alright? And don't lie to me."

  
A dead silence fell over the bridge. All eyes were on Spock and Jim.

  
"I'm fine, just a little tired, why are you- "

  
Jim stopped speaking when Spock put his hand on Captain's forehead.

  
"Your body temperature is too high!" Spock took a step back. Jim was infected. "Come with me to the medbay."

  
"I'm telling you, I'm fine. I don't feel any- Oh God..." Jim muttered and squeezed his eyes shut, clutching to his stomach.

  
"Captain?" Sulu was on his feet, approaching Kirk slowly.

  
Suddenly Jim feel to his knees and threw up blood. His face was scrunched in pain and the blood was still coming from his mouth.

  
"Call the medbay!" Spock yelled and people started moving.

  
"Sulu, get away from him!" Spock ordered when he saw him coming closer. Sulu took few steps backwards as if Kirk was on fire.

  
"Jim, Jim, listen to me," Spock reached out, but he didn't dare to touch Kirk. "It is going to be okay, we will get you to Medical bay."

  
"Oh God," Jim whispered seeing all the blood on the floor. "I'll die... I'll die..."

  
"No, you will not. I will not let you die."

  
Jim swayed on his knees and suddenly fell to his side unconscious. His body jerked in spasms, blood flowing on the floor.

  
The turbolift opened and McCoy rushed in with medical staff, all of them wearing masks and costumes for protection.

  
"Mother of God," Leonard said quietly when he saw Jim on the floor. "C'mon! Get him on the stretcher!"

  
Spock followed them to the medbay, his own health in the second place. He would die for Jim.

  
The doctors and nurses took Jim away to a secluded room and Spock was left in the medbay full of bleeding and dying people on biobeds.

  
Spock didn't leave. Instead he paced back and forth, not being able to calm down. Many terrifying thoughts were running through his head, all of them more terrible than the previous one.

  
Jim had ran all the way to the Science department, because he had a suspicion that Spock might get hurt. And now he was the one dying in the medbay.

  
Spock didn't know how much time passed, he didn't even bother to look at the clock on the wall.

  
"You're still here?" Leonard asked as he came out of that room.

  
"How is Jim?"

  
McCoy shook his head.

  
"Stable, but... he's lost lots of blood. We were able to stop the internal bleeding, but not for long."

  
"What medicine might help him?"

Spock's heart sunk when he heard the news.

  
"A miracle. But you don't believe in miracles, do you?"

  
"Right now I am willing to believe in everything."


	15. Marshmallow dreams

"If you don't leave immediately, you green-blooded hobgoblin, I will hypo you and personally drag your ass out!"

  
"I cannot leave!"

  
"And he cannot let you die because of himself!"

  
Spock didn't know what to reply. Doctor McCoy was right. He couldn't let himself get sick.

  
It was the second day since Jim was put in the medbay. Now Spock was the Acting Captain of the _Enterprise_. He had contacted Admiral Pike and informed him about Jim's condition. The starship with medicine personnel was still on its way.

  
The crew was down. They were scared of losing their Captain. True, sometimes Kirk was snarky and reckless, but he always did the right thing. In the end he always saved them, leaving no one behind.

  
Now there were merely thirty uninfected humans left and everyone was dreading the worst.  
Spock was on the bridge and everything around reminded him of Jim. The Captain's chair, the floor which was stained with blood yesterday. The whole space reminded Spock of Jim, because Jim was his Universe now.

  
The only human on the bridge was Mr Sulu who acted admirably and stayed strong despite death threat.

  
To Spock it seemed that every event ended with the Captain in the medbay, fighting for his life. First it was Narde, now this... What's next?

  
"Sir, a Federation ship is hailing us," Ensign Darq said.

  
"On screen," Spock sat straighter in his chair.

  
"Hello, Captain- You are not Captain Kirk," a woman in her forties frowned. Apparently she was the Captain of that ship.

  
"Captain Kirk currently is in the Medical department, he got infected," Spock explained. "My name is Spock, who are you?"

  
"I'm Selena Harris, Admiral Pike sent us towards you. We have all necessary medicine and a trained staff."

  
"Should we go out of the warp, ma'am?"

  
"Yes, please. We will reach you in two minutes." The translation ended.

  
"Mr Sulu, stop the ship."

  
"Yes, sir."

  
Soon another ship appeared on the viewing screen, much smaller than the _Enterprise_ , but still impressive.

  
The whole medical staff of the ship was beamed up on the _Enterprise_ and they immediately headed to the medbay.

  
"Spock to Medical department. Inform me about everything that happens in the bay."

  
"Understood. McCoy out."

  
"I'm amazed that he's still holding on," Sulu said. "Almost everyone around him is infected and yet McCoy is like a rock."

  
"I could not agree more," Spock nodded.

  
"Let's hope they bring a miracle with them."

  
Spock frowned, "Miracles do not happen."

  
"But that doesn't mean they don't exist, right?"

  
Spock could practically hear the smirk in Sulu's voice.

* * *

 

There Jim lay, pale and barely breathing. Various tubes were attached to him, making the man look like some string puppet.

  
Dr McCoy forbade Spock to go inside the room, so the Vulcan watched his unconscious mate behind a glass wall.

  
"The medics are doing everything they can," Bones approached Spock. "They're mixing up every medicine they get their hands on. They will find something."

  
"The question is - will they find the cure in time?" Spock felt his throat tighten. "I feel his pain."

Leonard raised his eyebrows.  
"You feel- everything?"

  
"Everything," the Vulcan nodded. "He is unconscious, but the pain has reached him even through this barrier."

  
"What- what hurts the most?"

  
"Chest."

  
McCoy nodded.

  
"Understandable," he said. "His lungs are giving out. He's barely breathing. Shit..."

  
Leonard wiped his face and looked away.

  
"What did he do to deserve this? Life's a bitch."

  
"I could not agree more."

* * *

 

When Jim woke up, first thing he saw was that he wasn't in the medbay. He was in his own quarters.

  
It seemed odd to him and at first Jim thought that perhaps all this infection and blood was just a dream. But dreams rarely tend to be _so_ realistic.

  
Kirk blinked a few times to clear his vision and saw a lonely figure sitting at his table. He couldn't exactly make out who was this person, all seemed a bit blurry to him. His chest and limbs hurt, he felt like all his strength was drained from him.

  
Jim groaned when a sharp pain cut through his head. The person sitting behind the table jumped on their feet and rushed towards the Captain.

  
"Jim? Jim, are you able hear me?"  
Spock's voice Kirk could recognize anywhere.

  
Jim mumbled something incoherent, his vision clearing slowly.

  
"'m fine," he managed to get out, his voice coarse.

  
"I will bring you water," Spock left, Kirk heard some rummaging and soon Spock lifted Jim's head up and brought a cup to his lips.

  
Jim gulped down the whole water and sighed in content, feeling a little bit more alive.

  
"Why am I here? What happened?" Jim asked as Spock laid him back down.

  
"You were infected with the virus," Spock started to explain, his voice soothing and warm. "You lost your consciousness when you were on the bridge."

  
"Oh yeah, I remember that," Jim squeezed his eyes hoping to chase away the horrifying memories.

  
"You were in Medical department for two days when the other ship, that Admiral Pike sent, reached us. They were able to slow down the progress of the virus, but Science department found a cure two days after their arrival."

  
"So it's fine now? Everyone's okay?"  
For a brief moment Spock's gaze darkened.

  
"We have lost ninety seven officers, but others' health is adequate. However, personally I am concerned about your health, Jim."

  
"Nah, I'm fine," Jim said and winced. "Just everything hurts."

  
"Doctor McCoy left hyposprays with painkillers. If you have- "

  
"No, no hyposprays, please," Jim groaned. "I hate them."

  
"As you wish," Spock nodded and put away two hyposprays he had taken out.

  
"Why I'm not in the medbay?" Jim asked after a minute of silence. All this time Spock was holding his hand and drawing circles with his thumb.

  
"Doctor McCoy and I have come to an agreement that you would feel more comfortable in your own quarters during your recovery."

  
"Thanks, I appreciate it."

  
For a moment they both stayed in silence, each of them deep in their own thoughts.

  
Jim couldn't believe that it all was over, that he was alive and healthy. Well, at least on his way to being healthy.

  
Spock on the other hand contemplated whether it would be illogical for him to not blink to make sure that Jim wouldn't disappear. His beloved was safe, here, with him. Honestly, that's all that Spock needed to feel happiness bloom inside his chest like a sparkling flower of thousand colors that no human has ever seen.

  
"I must inform Doctor McCoy that you are awake," Spock pulled out his communicator and left a message to Leonard.

  
Not even ten minutes passed when Bones walked in Captain's HQ.

  
"How are you feeling, Jim?" he asked, bringing various devices to Kirk's face, chest and stomach.

  
"Shitty, but good."

  
"I've no idea how to understand that, but fine," Bones grumbled and checked Jim's vitals on his PADD.

"What hurts?"

  
"Limbs, chest, head, throat... Nothing else so far."

  
"Hungry?"

  
"No."

  
"Thirsty?"

  
"No."

  
"Horny?"

  
"What?"

  
"Just kidding," Leonard laughed and typed something on his PADD.  
"You're recovering very fast, I assume tomorrow you'll be able to sit in your lovely Captain's chair and eat apples."

  
"Great," Jim sighed, feeling his eyelids closing.

  
"Doctor, it seems that Jim needs rest," Spock said in a quiet, but stern voice. "If you are- "

  
"Yeah, yeah, I'm done," Boned waved his hand and got up. "Try to feed him something from the list I sent to your PADD when he wakes up, okay?"

  
"I assure you, Doctor, I will do everything to make Jim recover faster."

  
"That's good then. Keep an eye on him, don't leave him alone," then McCoy smirked. "But knowing about the chemistry between you two... I guess that won't be a problem."

  
"Goodbye, Bones," Jim groaned, making emphasis on 'goodbye'. Right now he just wanted to fall into a dreamless sleep like a feather on a warm marshmallow.

  
"I want a marshmallow," Kirk mumbled and sighed knowing that he won't get it anytime soon.

  
"I will replicate a marshmallow as soon as you are able to digest normal food."

  
"You're the best."  
Right on sleep's doorstep Jim heard Spock say three more words.

  
" _Ashau nash-veh tu_."


	16. Endless

Honestly, there was nowhere else they could go on a date. Ship's greenery was the most beautiful part of the _Enterprise_ and Jim decided that it was good enough for a date.

  
They were going to reach Earth in few days and Jim thought that he might as well make some use of them. By asking Spock out for example.

  
Right now Kirk was pacing back and forth, waiting in the empty greenery for the Vulcan to show up. Actually Jim was ten minutes early, but he couldn't stay in his quarters for a second longer.

  
Captain hadn't planned anything fancy. Just some fruits (he double checked whether they might cause any allergies), two candles (don't ask him how he found them) and some time under the stars and among blooming midnight flowers.

  
"I see you are early as well," came a voice right behind him and Jim jumped ten feet high clutching his chest.

  
"Dear God, Spock! You scared the hell out of me!"

  
"I apologize for that was not my intention."

  
"How can you even walk so quietly?"

  
"Unfortunately I do not possess the knowledge about this matter."

  
Jim chuckled and only shook his head. He took Spock's hand and led him through the mini forest of plants to the middle of the greenery.

  
"You did a great work, Jim. This is admirable," for a moment Spock actually 'admired' the view.

  
A simple blanket (okay, a bedsheet) was laid on the floor, on top of it there were two plates filled with cut fruits, grapes and berries. Also two candles stood tall between the plates, the yellow flames dancing as the couple walked by.

  
"So you like it then?" Jim asked, trying to hide the worry in his voice.

  
"Yes, I like it. I would still like it even if there was nothing."

  
"Why?"

  
"Merely because you are here."

  
"Oh, you, sap," Jim looked down, feeling the blush forming on his cheeks.

  
"I have noticed that you call me that quite often," Spock tilted his head to the side, his hand lifting Jim's chin up. "Is there a particular reason behind it?"

  
"Consider this your new nickname," Kirk chuckled and plopped down on the blanket, pulling Spock down too.

  
"May I inquire where you found these fruits? They are not Terran as far as I know," Spock eyed suspiciously a red piece of something Jim's name had already forgotten.

  
"Uh- Bones helped me a bit. It's all from the greenery."

  
"Will any of these cause an allergic reaction?"

  
"No, I checked them. Twice," Kirk added seeing Spock's sceptical expression. At least as sceptic as a Vulcan could have. But Spock was half-Vulcan after all.

  
"What is the occasion of this meeting?"

  
"It's a date," Jim mumbled, his face burning.

  
"I must admit I do not know what humans do on dates."

  
"I'll enlighten you," Jim grinned. "So a date is not a date without food. Because people are more relaxed when they eat. Dates usually happen in evenings, because it's considered the most romantic time for it. The both- uh- you know, the both just talk about stuff, find out more about each other etcetera."

  
"I understand your explanation," Spock nodded slowly. "Shall we eat?"

  
"We shall," Jim nodded, feeling a smile stretch over his face.  
The time passed by smoothly, there were no awkward moments, no awkward silences. They ate all fruits, tried to fry them on candles (Jim burned the tips of his fingers and Spock kissed them), talked and laughed.

  
All in all, it was the best night Jim had ever had. Spock was a good listener, an amazing story teller and- He was just _Spock_. His amazing Vulcan boyfriend.

  
"Look," Jim whispered and pointed to a small flower. Midnight was near and the flower got brighter and brighter until it glowed bright cerulean blue. It's petals opened with a royal motion, like a Queen walking to her coronation. All flowers around it opened too, glowing in bright colors, illuminating the air around them.

  
"It's so beautiful," Jim breathed out, his gaze glued to the sight in front of him. Say whatever you want, but extraterrestrial plants were fascinating.

  
"It is marvellous," Spock replied, shifting his gaze from the nice flowers to the breathtaking Jim.

The latter didn't seem to acknowledge that Spock was observing him, trying to memorize every human's feature. Jim's eyes sparkled in joy, he was looking from one flower to another, not blinking, not wanting to miss a moment. His full lips were slightly parted, the corners tugged upwards in a small smile.

  
Spock couldn't resist. He leaned in and kissed Jim taking him by surprise. Kirk put his hand on Spock's neck, pulling him closer, deeper.

  
"You are the most beautiful flower," Spock whispered when they parted, their faces still mere inches apart.

  
"But that's illogical," Jim laughed quietly, barely audible, but so soft like a warm autumn breeze. Spock loved his voice.

  
"Now my human side is speaking. I am not responsible of its words and actions."

  
"Well then," Jim chuckled and leaned a little bit closer. "I guess that means you can kiss me again."

  
And Spock did.

  
He kissed Jim with all the fire that burned in his chest, he kissed him with all the love that poured out from his soul.

  
There weren't any cliche fireworks or sparks, no, there were exploding supernovas, flaming nebulas and colliding stars. There was a whole Universe in their love. And as we all know...

  
Universe is endless.


	17. Paper books

The best thing after a tiring and hectic day on the bridge was a book. Not a book downloaded in the PADD, no. A real, paper book with hard covers and the unique smell.

  
So that's what Jim did. He plopped down on the bed with a book in his hands after he had filled all reports.

  
First thing Jim did was sniffing the book. "The Hobbit". Classic. And it smelled classically. Jim could bet on _Enterprise_ that he would be able to recognize a book by its smell.

He had a dozen of books in his quarters, only some of them unread.

  
Jim descended into the magical world of Middle Earth, not feeling neither the time, nor anything else around him.

  
He didn't even hear the faint hiss of his door opening. He didn't hear footsteps approaching. The Captain jumped back to his senses when he saw a shadow tower over him.

  
"Shit!" Jim yelled as he looked up and fell from the bed.

  
"Captain, are you unharmed?"

  
"Spock!" Jim climbed back in.

  
"Yes, Captain?"

  
"I'll make you wear a bell around your neck! You could have knocked! You scared- "

  
"'The hell out of you', yes, I realized and for that I apologize," Spock stood there, the corners of his lips tugged upwards, hands behind his back.

  
"Gosh," Jim groaned and squeezed his eyes shut. "Just sit down."

  
Spock sat on the Captain's bed and observed the book.

  
"Do you enjoy reading paper books, Jim?"

  
"Yeah," Jim shrugged and took the book. "They're real."

  
"Are books on the PADD unreal?"

  
"Yup, because I can't touch them and smell them," Kirk smiled, a nostalgic expression on his face.  
"Why did you come? Did something happen?"

  
"No, I merely wanted to suggest a chess game to you, however, I see that you are busy."

  
Jim could swear that he heard a note of regret in the Vulcan's monotonous voice. Kirk smiled warmly at Spock and said, "You can just stay."

  
"I do not want to bother you."

  
"You could never bother me."

  
Jim patted the space beside him and Spock shuffled closer, leaning his back against the wall.

  
So Jim continued reading, only between chapters realizing that he wasn't alone in the room. Spock's presence even somewhat calmed him, made him feel warm. Made him feel like home.

  
When dwarves realized that their ponies were missing, Jim glanced at the time.

  
"I think I'll take a shower. I'll be back," he said and put the book down.

  
"Of course," Spock nodded, his eyes following Jim, every his movement. The Vulcan felt happiness coming from Jim. Pure happiness and joy.

  
When Jim returned to the room fresh and in his night clothes, he saw Spock reading "The Hobbit" and with every line the Vulcan's eyebrows drew closer to each other.

  
"I find this rather confusing," Spock said as Jim climbed beside him. "Why would author write about a creature that does not exist?"

  
"All this book is fictional," Jim said, not taking his eyes off Spock. "Nothing in it is real. Neither Middle Earth, nor dwarves and the dragon... The author just wrote down everything that's been going in his head."

  
"Would you be able to write a story about non existent events and people?"

  
"Everyone would be able. The question is - who would do it better?"

  
Spock handed Jim the book and the Captain smelled it again.

  
"Smell it," Jim said. Spock rose his eyebrow, but took the book nonetheless and brought it to his nose.

  
"It smells like paper," he stated and Jim laughed.

  
"Yeah, but the thing is - every book smells differently. That's why I love paper books. They're _real_."

  
"I think I understand," Spock said slowly.

  
"Will you hold me?" Jim suddenly asked, hoping that Spock wouldn't say 'no'.

  
"Of course, Jim."

  
Kirk grinned and climbed between Spock's long legs, making himself comfortable against the Vulcan's chest. Spock instantly wrapped his arms around his human's waist, holding him close and tight enough for Jim to know that he'll never let go.

  
Jim rested his head against Spock's shoulder and continued reading, his cheeks a little bit redder than usual.

  
Spock on the other hand realized that the smell of Jim's neck was far more pleasing than some paper book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can someone draw a fanart please?


	18. Reborn

"You serious?" Leonard's eyes got wide. "Geez, I'll make a _really_ good use out of this."

  
"It's only two weeks, Bones, stop acting like a high school girl," Jim patted his friend's shoulder as they were going out of the _Enteprise_.

They had reached Earth successfully and got two weeks long shore leave.

  
"Usually we get one if they're generous," McCoy said with an eyeroll.

  
"Well, this time is an exception," Jim shrugged and then a wide grin stretched over his face.

  
"You know what?" he said. "I'm gonna get drunk. Gotta ease my nerves."

  
Bones snorted.

  
"Your hobgoblin won't let you. He's been watching you like hawk the whole time."

  
"I'm sure I'll slip past him," Jim winked.

  
"I would not be so sure if I were you, Captain," a steady voice said behind their backs. "As illogical as it might sound."

  
Jim cringed and Bones gave him a sympathetic smile.

  
"I condole with you, kid. Have fun! It's two weeks, remember? Fourteen nights!"

  
"Dear God, Bones!" Jim yelled as Leonard went away. The doctor just grinned and showed him thumbs up.

  
"I must admit I do not understand the subtext of Doctor's last words," Spock frowned his Vulcan frown.

  
"Even better," Jim smiled, relieved. "I have to go!"

  
"Are you headed to the Starfleet headquarters?" Spock asked as they made their way through the crowd.

  
"Yup, I have to meet Pike and also request a crew addition. And inform the families that the bodies of dead officers are on Earth."

  
"May I accompany you?"

  
"Sure."

  
They walked in silence, however, it didn't last long.

  
"Where are you going to stay during our time here?" Spock asked, his gaze fixated on ground in front of him.

  
Jim opened his mouth to answer, but then closed it realizing that he had no answer.

  
"I'll find a hotel or something," after a minute he said. "Maybe Starfleet will give me some apartments. In the end I can always sleep on the _Enterprise_."

  
Jim grinned at his last words thinking that probably he wouldn't be the only one there. Scotty was quite attached to the ship, he might stay the night on it too.

  
"I suggest you stay in my apartments for these two weeks," Spock said taking Kirk off guard.

  
"What? You serious?"

  
"Yes, I am," this time the Vulcan looked Jim in the eyes and they both stopped in the middle of the road. "I assure you - that will not be an inconvenience."

  
"But- I- uh," Kirk stuttered, not knowing what to reply. Of course, it would be cool to stay with Spock, Jim would have an opportunity to be closer to him, to know Spock better. But on the other hand...

  
"If you are worried that I am going to pursue you to sexual- "

  
"Jesus, Spock! Quieter!" Jim hissed, and looked around to check whether someone had overheard them.

  
"Fine, I'll stay with you, happy? And, please, don't out us, I'm not ready for all this fuss," Kirk continued walking as if nothing had happened.

  
"Very well," Spock nodded and Jim glanced at him just in time to see a hint of smile in Vulcan's eyes. "And I promise to not inform anybody about our relationship."

  
"Great!" Jim patted Spock on the shoulder. "Now, let's get this over with."

* * *

 

Spock lived in rather cozy apartment. However, it lacked life.

Its walls were bare, there were no flowers, no candles and other decorative but useless stuff. Figures Spock was practical to his bones.

  
"No offense, but it's so gray," was the first thing Kirk said when they both were in.

  
"I agree that this color is used here quite often."

  
In that moment Jim decided that he will bring life in the apartment.

  
"Anyways, where's guest bedroom?" he asked and took his suitcase.

  
"This way."

  
In total there were three rooms - two bedrooms and a living room; a kitchen and two bathrooms. It seemed that Starfleet loved Spock. Kirk wondered why they haven't given the Captain of the _Enterprise_ a flat yet?

  
"You may rearrange this room as you wish," Spock said as Jim put his suitcase on the bed and looked around.

  
"Cool, thanks. For everything."

  
"It is my pleasure to have you here."

  
Now Spock was close, his fingers brushing against Jim's. A single, gentle gesture, but it sent shivers down Kirk's arm.

  
"Would you like to have a dinner now?" Spock asked and Jim almost fainted in bliss when he felt Vulcan's breath against his lips.

  
"Let's go out," Jim suggested. "Do you know any good vegetarian places?"

  
"Are you vegetarian?" a hint of surprise ran through Spock's dark eyes.

  
"No," Kirk chuckled. "But you are. Shall we go now?"

* * *

 

In the end they settled in a small and quiet cafe in the suburbs of San Francisco. It was half empty, the lights were dim and for the first time in two weeks Jim felt himself relax.

  
There was a menu for vegan's, vegetarians and other meat haters.

Spock ordered a strange looking salad and for dessert he chose a cherry cake with lots of whip cream. Jim on the other hand made use of getting non replicated food. He soon dug in the steak and potatoes covered in gravy. There was also a glass of fine wine in front of him which was now almost empty.

  
"God, I missed this," Jim moaned after another bite. "Replicated food is so lame."

  
"I do not see the difference in taste between replicated and non replicated food."

  
"The difference is - the replicated food was never alive," Jim explained. "For example, these potatoes. They grew somewhere, got bigger, did photosynthesis etcetera. But replicated potatoes... They're like Frankenpotatoes. Not dead and not alive either."

  
"Frankenpotatoes?"

  
Jim laughed seeing Spock's facial expression. Vulcan's right hand hanged mid air holding the fork.

  
"Have you ever heard of Frankenstein?" Jim asked.

  
"No, I have not."

  
"Well...," Jim sighed. "I guess I have some explanation to do."

* * *

 

Jim didn't really know in which moment they started kissing. Maybe right after they went inside Spock's apartment? Or maybe after they looked into each other's eyes?

  
Anyways, it was hard to tell, because thousand feelings exploded in Jim's chest and his mind was focused on not falling when he felt the sweet taste of Spock's lips.

  
The kiss grew passionate and fierce. They kissed as if this was their last moment together. Jim was burning like he was on fire. His fingers got tangled in Spock's raven black hair, tugging and pulling him closer, not being able to get enough of him.

  
One Vulcan's hand slid under Jim's shirt and cool fingers grazed Kirk's skin, sending a shudder down human's spine.

  
Somehow they tumbled towards the bedroom without breaking the kiss.

  
Spock lifted Jim up by his thighs making the man yelp in surprise. The Vulcan then lied him down on the bed, hovering over him, their breaths getting quicker with every second.

  
After few moments all their clothes were thrown somewhere on the floor, the air between their lips felt as if it was filled with static.

Feelings like a web of electricity ran through their souls and bodies, from their hearts to the tips of their fingers. This force was like a blustering sea - unstoppable. Immortal.

  
Spock let his mind reach out to the golden glow of Jim's self. Their minds and souls conflated as their bodies did. Now they both were whole. Like a lonely star that had found its other half which made it explode in thousand colors and become something entirely new.


	19. To the Enterprise!

Jim and Spock both made a good use out of seven nights. But who could blame them? They were lovers, _T'hy'las_ even. And each one of these seven nights was a proof that human and Vulcan loved each other.

  
It was a morning of eighth day. Jim was curled up by Spock's side, his hair a mess and only soft snores escaping his parted lips. The Vulcan on the other hand was already awake and now was merely lying still and thinking.

  
He still wasn't able to fully believe that Jim was actually his. That they were together now, that he was accepted. These thoughts made tingles run through Spock's heart and despite his iron logic, Spock smiled.

  
Even the gray apartment didn't seem so lifeless now that Jim was here. He had brought life in it.

  
Jim stirred, his eyes fluttering open. Every morning during these eight days Spock was the first thing he saw. And one look was enough to bring a smile to his lips.

  
"Good morning," Jim mumbled sleepily, stroking Spock's cheek.

  
"Good morning to you too, Jim," Spock kissed Jim's forehead and the latter closed his eyes for a moment.

  
"What are our plans for today?" Jim yawned and then stretched, his muscles flexing under his skin. Spock found himself unable to tear his eyes away.

  
"My schedule is completely free of any activities or meetings. What about yours?"

  
"Mm... What date is it?"

  
"Twenty sixth Novemver by Terran calendar."

  
"Uh... I think Bones said something about a night out on twenty sixth. I'll ask him."

  
Jim made an attempt to get out of the bed, however, Spock held him close. _Screw you, Vulcan strength_. Jim thought and tried to wiggle out of Spock's grasp.

  
"Will you let me go?" Jim breathed out, his face already red, but he couldn't keep the smile away.

  
Spock on the other hand just laughed, pulling Jim closer, and gave him a peck on the lips.

  
"Now I will let you go."

  
They did their morning routine, ate breakfast and cuddled.

  
Jim had contacted Bones and the meeting was only at eighteen hundred hours so both lovers were in no rush.

  
"I think we ought to tell our friends about us," Spock said while they were eating lunch in the nearby café.

  
"You sure?" Jim bit his lip.

  
"I suppose it would be the best to tell them ourselves rather than let them find out from someone else."

  
"I can't argue with your logic."

  
"I would like to hear your opinion too."

  
Jim sighed and put the fork down. Suddenly banana filled pancakes didn't look so appetizing.

  
"I don't know... I mean, yeah, they have to know, but..."

  
"Are you afraid of their reaction?"

  
"Kinda."

  
"They are our friends, Jim," Spock took human's hand in his under the table. "And I would like to think that we are their friends too."

  
"Your point is...?"

  
"My point is that there is eighty seven percent probability that they will accept us."

  
"How do you even calculate that?" Jim laughed and squeezed Spock's hand tighter.

  
"Perhaps you're right," he finally said. "So... we'll tell them today?"

  
"If you wish."

  
"I wish."

  
Jim and Spock finished their meals and went for a short walk through the park. It was unforgettable experience. Actually, Jim found everything unforgettable when he was with Spock. The Vulcan made all things seem more brighter, more lively. Suddenly Jim realized that he couldn't live without Spock. At all.

  
The meeting time came faster than Jim thought and soon he and Spock found themselves in a packed bar.

  
Bones, Nyota, Chekov and Sulu were already sitting around one booth, cocktails and martini glasses in front of them.

  
The atmosphere was pretty calm and relaxed. There wasn't loud music booming from the speakers, no flickering lights or disco balls.

  
"Here we are," Jim mumbled, eyeing his surroundings. The bar looked neat and didn't seem to have a bad reputation.

  
"Jim! Spock!" Bones was the first one to notice them and motioned for Jim and the Vulcan to come closer.

  
"Martini? Whiskey?" he asked them. "What are you gonna drink, hobgoblin?"

  
"The metabolism of Vulcan body- "

  
"Chocolate cocktail then?" Leonard winked, but Spock only rised his eyebrow.

  
"Something light for me," Jim sat at the booth, between Spock and Sulu.

  
"So what did you do while we're on Earth?" Uhura asked and Jim choked on his beer.

  
"Nothing much," the Captain coughed and cleared his throat. "Ate and slept mostly." That was partly true.

  
"And you, Spock?"

  
For a moment Spock looked a little lost, however, he regained his composure quickly. Something told Jim that he perhaps was the only one to notice that.

  
"I too took enough rest and also did a few scientific observations."

  
"Personal interest?" Sulu asked. "Or did you send it to the Starfleet?"

  
"My observation was based on personal interest, however, I found it useful to send it to the Starfleet Science Department."

  
"Enough space talks, folks," Bones interrupted them in a loud voice and raised his glass. "To the Enterprise!"

* * *

  
  
The evening passed quickly, everyone got a little tipsy (except for Spock of course) and conversations turned from jokes to discussions about the meaning of life. All in all, it was perfect. To tell the truth, Jim had missed nights like this.

  
It was somewhere between eighth and ninth glass of beer when Jim decided that he's had enough alcohol for one night. So he sat there, listening to Bones and Sulu who were arguing about some black holes and worms.

  
Spock and Uhura had gone somewhere, Chekov in his drunken state tried to impress an extraterrestrial lady.

  
"You agree with me, Jim?"

  
The Captain was torn out of his thoughts by Leonard's voice.

  
"About what?" Jim asked dumbly.

  
"Wormholes! They can burn! Isn't that right?"

  
"What?"

  
"So what are you guys talking about?" Uhura asked as she and Spock sat down at the booth.

  
"Honestly, I have no idea," Jim shrugged and yawned. "Geez, what time is it?"

  
"Past midnight, I guess," Uhura replied. "You going home, big boy?"

  
"I'm a Captain," Jim mumbled, but Nyota only laughed.

  
"Okay, okay, Captain. You might wish to consider going home."

  
"And that I'll do."

  
"But the night just started!" Sulu slurred, but then cringed and clutched his stomach. "I think beer got in fight with martini."

  
With these words he rushed to the bathroom.

  
"I think I've had enough," Jim pushed his glass away which Bones had filled earlier. "I'll go home."

  
"It is my duty to make sure that you reach your destination unharmed," Spock said.

  
"Yup, that's awesome," Jim mumbled and clumsily stood up.

  
"See you, guys!"

  
"Thanks for coming!"

  
"Bye bye, Captain!"

  
Spock placed his arm around Jim's waist as soon as they were put of the club.

  
"We did not tell them," Spock stated as they walked down the street to the hover-car.

  
"I didn't see a good opportunity. I'm just a scared coward."

  
The Vulcan had some trouble understanding Jim, because the man was slurring his words.

  
"You are not a coward," Spock pulled Jim closer. "Fear is a normal reaction."

  
"But still..."

  
The way to Spock's apartment was quiet. The whole ride Jim was looking out of the window, a blank expression on his face. But that didn't mean that his thoughts weren't in a mess right now. He was thinking, blaming himself, thinking again... It went on and on.

  
"A frown does not suit you," Spock said when he stopped the car.

  
Jim immediately snapped out of his daze and looked at the Vulcan a little confused. Then he burst out laughing.

  
"This is my phrase!"

  
"True. However, I found it the best one to use in this moment."

  
They went inside the apartment, silence hovering over them.

  
Spock was about to switch on the light, but stopped when he felt two arms wrap around his torso. Jim held himself close to the Vulcan, burying his face in between Spock's shoulder and neck.

  
"I love you," he whispered, his voice was muffled with the fabric.

  
"I love you too, _ashayam_."

  
That night they peacefully lied by each other's side, their legs tangled together and hearts beating quietly, scattering the silence into the darkness.


End file.
